Lukie @ 4

June 14, 2017

Dorking, Surrey
4 years old!

Dear Lukie,


As I sit down to write your  birthday letter this year I am struck by something that makes me both excited and a bit sad at the same time–you are no longer a baby. How time flies, I feel like I just held you in my arms yesterday, so Diddy and sweet. 4 years later I am starting to see that you have grown fearfully and wonderfully, you are a unique person starting to reclaim your independence and develop your own personality. I am proud of you as always.

Now that you’ve grown, I see and hear you more and more each passing day- it is you that makes you my Lukie. You are super outgoing, confident, friendly, brave, strong, adventurous, hardworking and loving. I am very grateful that despite the hardships and struggles of our daily lives I get to watch you grow into you each day.

This has been a significantly big year for you, you have adapted to all the changes, challenges and adventures that we threw at you, there have been lots of them and there will be more to come my lieveling 😘. From having your baby sister in October which wasn’t easy for you but you dealt with it like a rock star, to travelling and moving about. I am super proud of you for handling everything like a pro, In every new place, situation, challenges and milestones you embraced the changes and carried on with confidence, just to remind you we will always be few steps behind you but we will always be there to catch you when you fall and to guide you in every step of the way. You were quick to make new friends and explore the surroundings around you. I am sure that these things will always be a part of your life.

In about a month and a bit we will be moving to a completely different place, different country, different people, different language- everything will be different, this then will be your new abode, 3rd house in 4 years! Everyday I feel you when you tell me how you’ll miss calling out your friends and aunties in the neighbourhood,  you spend most of everyday playing in the garden calling out Leon or granny, walking to the forests nearby, cycling and racing with your friends on your bicycles and inviting friends over for play dates (your best friend is Leon, and you two play at each others houses, mostly at Leon’s everyday).

When you aren’t playing outside, you enjoy singing, reading books, playing and building with your mega bloks. You enjoy pretend play and you will give us names, for the moment daddy is Norman Price the naughty boy from Fireman Sam, you kept calling me Elvis because I dance and sing a lot to cheer you up and you call your beautiful sister Station Officer Steele maybe because she is a teeny bit bossy.

You play football although you aren’t really a ball person but for the sake of playing you kick the ball with dad, you used to be so obsessed with them that you even take a ball with you as you nap. You love riding your bike especially now that you can do it without stabilisers,  you went for it on the slopes in the skate park with your balance bike, I cannot believe you’ve grown a lot and that you can do all these things, that’s a lot of things learned in just a year.

You even adopted mommy’s baby Elmo and sleeps with you every night, you hug him ever so tightly especially when you get scared. Elmo has become your friend and your clown protector. At this stage you still move to our bedroom just for the sake of getting cuddles at night which I like.


And, as far as protectors go, you are starting to be quite a good one yourself! You love your little sister so much and, when you aren’t trying to wrestle her or steal her toys, you are very caring toward her. You insist on being the one to go get Ash up from her nap every day. I stand outside the door when you go in to get her and I love listening to you greet her with “Good morning, Bussy!”. I hope that this bond and love you have for each other stays the same as time goes by.

Lukie, my boy, it has been a joy watching you grow and change and mature this year. I am so pleased with the boy that you are, and I can’t wait to see the man who you become some day.

Today is your birthday and that your future would be as bright and magnificent as your little 4-year old dreams. That you would continue to grow into YOU with the joy that comes with it.

Lukie, you are no longer a baby. What you are is a gift, a blessing, a privilege. You are no longer a baby, but as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be. Thank you for letting me be your mommy.

I love you most!

Mommy

P.s : Daddy and Ash loves you too, not only this much but to infinity and beyond. 

The Three-nager

So we made it through babyhood, terrible two’s and about to graduate with the three-nager stage, it was dreadful, it was tormenting, it was fun. I heard from a friend who survived the trenches like us and has survived to tell the story, the best stages of parenthood is yet to come.
So the tormenting three’s huh.. a combination of a three years old energy and mentality but the attitude of teenagers 😊. 
Our son started of his three-nager stage by having little opinion from the start of it and has overgrown towards the end of it. We thought the behaviour is erratic but the fact of the matter is they merely express their opinions with a dash of irrationality and mixed temperament which they are yet to learn to achieve the perfect concoction. 
I remembered when L turned two a lot, even a bucket loads of information about terrible two’s, even warnings from grannies, mommies and bloggers. But where the hell is the unforeseeable predictions about three’s, it took us by surprise,  no one ever saw the tormenting three’s coming.
At 18 months we hear a surge of words that turns to verbal explosion, and at three’s? It’s not only a surge in length but a surge in why’s and a surge of bossiness.  It’s a surge of tormenting everything. But still the love prevails right?!
Common scene at home:
M: What do you want for breakfast? 
L: Toast with Jam please mommy, I want it cut like a triangle. 
M: WHY ARE YOU NOT EATING?!
L: hugggggggyyyyyyy,  hugggggggyyyyyyy,  hugggggggyyyyyyy..the shape is not right, uh uh uh, I want water please, uhm I want this I want that
M: (on the verge of shouting) eat now or il take it away.
Dealing with lots of tormenting situations at home made me well proofed for this. Sometimes I ignore the fact that he whines then he’ll eat it anyway, but I am not a perfect parent and I lose my rag sometimes.
I mean my son is very responsible, polite, outspoken (a little too much sometimes) and kind but he has his days too. There are days where he will absolutely cry for everything, have we been such naggy parents that we created a little diva, a little drama king, but hey these too shall pass.
The hardest part is, trying to negotiate  a deal but he would stop listening half way, is it a man thing? I mean selective hearing, my husband sure does that. Or why explaining things they would run, change the topic (he is getting better at it) or just pretend not to listen, but I think they do that selective hearing bit because they learn how to filter which things are beneficial and not beneficial to them. Or sometimes maybe I nag too much and just won’t leave him be. I think I should stop having that bad habit, it’s not healthy.
The best advice I was given by my mother few years ago was that rather than keeping on nagging at them we have to give them a little bit of liberty to decide what they actually want so there is an involvement and connection rather than just barking orders at them. So rather than saying here is your lunch now eat please, I would rather say, Please L what do you want to eat for lunch? We have chicken nuggets and cod fingers. It works out on most days but obviously everyday is different and everyday is interesting.
I made some investigations and found a really cool article from buzz feed. 
1. You live in constant fear of how to cut the shape of their sandwich or toast. Do they want triangles today, rectangles, squares? And when they do tell you, they change their mind right after you cut it.
2. They say things like (with hands firmly placed on hips), “I don’t want to clean up, I want to do what I want to do!”
3. You go through three or more wardrobe changes a day. Please just pick a already!
4. Your child goes boneless the second you remind them that a transition is coming, especially when they are asked to stop playing. By the way, when was this ability given to children? You know, lay limp and double your body weight so mom can’t move you. It’s a talent reminiscent of a possum playing dead…
5. They run away from you when it’s time to get dressed, or leave a play place, or do anything they deem unnecessary. In fact running away from you is their favorite activity.
6. To nap or not to nap, that is the question. A threenager’s answer will always be emphatically “NO!” Unless of course it’s time for school, and they crawl into bed because they’re “tired.”
7. They want three of everything because they are three.
8. At red lights they yell, “Go… GOOO!” Threenagers do not possess patience.
9. Speaking of the car, you have to leave 10 minutes earlier so they can buckle their own car seat by their “OWN SELF!”
10. You realize they’ll be a great trial lawyer one day when they’ve just negotiated their way out of a time-out.
When I saw that post I was laughing so hard in the kitchen that maybe at some point passers by thought I am a lunatic or I completely gone bonkers having to deal with two children, but yeah it’s because I can relate in every single one of them!
So mums we are not alone, take a deep breath, try to see the funny side and if all else fails I find going out is an absolute saviour to get rid of unwanted energy and attitude.

Lost and Found

Every parents greatest fear…losing our children!

So it’s holiday time, we were excited going abroad, seeing family’s,  friends and just the little time off from the routines and hustle and bustle of life.

We started nicely, we had a crazy nagging mood swings angry kinda morning were we almost killed each other before even making it at the airport. I never thought holidays can be such pain in the posterior, you know getting ready, preparing the children, the car, the army of bags and so on. When we made it out of the house it was pure JOY! 

We had a rip off lunch at the airport, it wasn’t that bad to classify as bad, it was mediocre but that’ll do..I’m not complaining but goddamn thing, £20 for 3 sausage rolls jesus almighty lord what just happened. Anyway we calmed ourselves down to the little airport soft play in Gatwick airport, it was rather cozy and the little ones were happy having little things to do.

So on with the flight, the aircraft was f*cking hot and so is my little girl’s head, she’s reached her limits and was really exploding into the most explosive tantrum we’ve seen yet! So yeah everybody’s looking like why the heck can they not tame their child kinda look, so I was trying to be cool calm and collected until the man in front started giving me dirty looks, so I looked back and mouthed fuck off! This is a 7 month old baby, first time in the airplane, overtired, overheating,hungry and her ears are popping, can you not give a child some slack ?! What happened to compassion and empathy.

So we got in Schiphol intact and didn’t make friends whatsoever, I must say the Dutch likes their queues,  massive queue here and there and grumpy tall Dutch people everywhere. Does it really hurt to smile when your working at the airport?! Anyway oh the joy we felt after passport control until we had the scariest experience ever, losing our child in the sea of people in baggage claim and customs! 

15 fucking minutes he was gone, 15 fucking minutes! Those were the longest 15 minutes ever! Won’t go into details how we lost our precious child (because it will open up new comments and topics on how Irresponsible we are!), anyway he was picked up by a lady from the KLM, and upon hearing them speak Dutch he proudly said I am (his name), I speak Dutch and I speak English,  I lost my mommy and daddy, can you please call my mommy her number is in my coat! Once we found him I couldn’t stop crying and it just came into reality the worst nightmare a parent can experience! But I am super proud of him for remembering all the things we taught him, all the while we thought he wasn’t even paying attention, this just shows that he really is and he took the situation calmly and he thought of every single thing to say so he can be reunited with us! Super proud but nerve wracking moment.

So now we got him a buddy tag, so my phone alarm sounds when he goes further than the safety net. So that gives us peace of mind!

FYI.  We are not Irresponsible we try our best to be there for them all the time.

Loving our friends

Yesterday we met up with friends, it was lovely and although we wanted to stay some more it was nearing the kids witching hours,  so we thought we’ll save some stories for next time.

We love seeing our friends, how we miss our friend Larry and we just want to make sure everything is okay with him. He’s been our friend for a long long time but we’ve been super busy with our lives that we haven’t seen each other for nearly a year. So yesterday was a good day, the children enjoyed his company and we had lunch together and it felt like the old times.

Then after lunch we met up with our friends and their beautiful baby boy, his name is Kai and I tell you he is the most handsome boy you’ll ever meet, with those beautiful blue eyes. Ah! I can’t stop looking and loving him, how adorable he is and I got to cuddle him!(super proud!). 

Our children loves them so much especially their brother from another mommy. It’s amazing how fast they grow up, it’s amazing how beautiful they are. It was my first time properly meeting Elly and Sam but oh my goodness they are very kind, loving and warm people. I know I’ve been such a crazy stalker, you know stalking about their lives (because i fell in love with Kai) but I admire these guys so much, with all the things they went and going through, they have lots of positivity in their lives amidst all the challenges they are facing.

If you guys can help, spare a few dollars, or pounds or whatever is your currency, you know every little thing helps, please help us raise money to fund research for nkh (non ketotic hyperglycinemia), please help us find a cure for every child who has this disorder. These children are precious. These children are fighters. These children deserves a better future. These children deserves a cure.

Here is the link for their story so you guys can see how beautiful Kai is, trust me you’ll fall in love with him too:

http://www.teammikaere.com/

Motherhood at its best

Motherhood has its ups and downs, each and everyone has our own fair share of struggles, stories and embarrassments. It is in motherhood that we learn about raising and celebrating our children, the children that we have, not the children what we thought we have or the children we were expecting. That we should be grateful and understanding that our children are the children that they are supposed to be, rather than what we are expecting to have. Our children are teachers that teaches us what kind of parents we are supposed to be. 

Motherhood is hard enough, the chores, the tantrums, the sleepless nights, the nightmare of parenting, the eyes of strangers looking (whether we are doing a great job), the criticisms (everybody is a goddamn critic), every single molecule in our parenting thing will go through that thread hole because everyone around us will think they are perfect enough to advice and criticise us. Everybody will give unsolicited fracking advices. It is up to us to filter what’s useful and not, and it’s up to us to raise our children.

It’s never easy to raise children, it’s either you make them or break them. Just looking at it, it seems to be a daunting, stressful and challenging job, well it is and nobody is perfect. Parenting, is such a job that it evolves us to become a better person and know our self worth.

Parenting requires resilience,  no matter how resilient we are in terms of adversities and challenges, we still need support, love, encouragement and inspirations that is for everybody for sure. We loathe criticisms as we are all different and we have different styles.

The hopes that we have for our children, the dreams that we want them to be, the possibilities there are, the happiness they give us, the love, they make us feel good about ourselves and to remind us that we are doing a spectacular job. The smiles they bring that brightens the whole gloomy world around us, the efforts we make to make these parenting hurdles easier. The difficulties we experience to bring the best in us. The unique abilities each and every child has, same for us parents. The storms that we experience to make us strong and to be the best people we can be. 

It is not a joke to parent a child, it is quite a job but the satisfaction we get when people praise them, when they share or when they get a bit flustered (which means they turn to us for attention) about things, it is a unique experience for each and everyone.

The embarrassments, oooh I have plenty, but I am no longer embarrass to embrace my flaws. Because one thing I figured, an embarrassing moment will make your world a lot brighter. I once had the guts to warm up my pizza from the microwave after having a rough night, yes I turned the damn thing on and to my disappointment my pizza isn’t there, so I was looking for it in the oven, fridge or wherever just to find it in the frying pan in the hob. I almost burnt the house down there. And there’s this instance I’ve been looking for my glasses for days just to find them in the fridge, or a poo-nami explosion, these experiences makes parenting a wonderful experience not a dreadful one.

I love the grunt work, the noise, the cries, the laughs, the accidents (wee and poo), the arguments (between me and dad, or dad and L, or L and me), the adventures, the craziness, and most especially the love.

Love makes up for everything.

The cries meant I need you more than you know.

The screams doesn’t mean I hate you but you are my rock.

The hugs that are super nice when you are tired.

And the grunt work, brings happiness because at the end of the day we are raising wonderful and resilient children.

Write soon 😘😘😘😘😘

SAHM

Few days ago I read this article from Daily Mail about stay at home mothers. There’s this “working” mother commenting that SAHM are brainless and lazy. I will not drop the person’s name but having that kind of opinion bothers me. Most SAHM attained certain degrees in Universities but being a stay at home mother is a choice. I can work full time if I wish to but that will be unfair for my child. I didn’t have this baby to be looked after by other people, I didn’t have this baby to be a stranger every time we are together, I want what is best for my child and I feel at this point in time no matter how many job offers I get the choice is to stay with him. I don’t mind being at the bottom of my career ladder because I know once I’m ready to go back I’m going to kick some ass. I admire mother’s who are working because that is a difficult thing to do as well, juggling between work and chores, we know how tired you are and hats off to all of you.

In my opinion, provided you are a good mother staying at home with your child will benefit but staying at home is not for everyone really. Some mothers do not enjoy being with their child/ children 24/7, ideally I would say a couple of days a week in a nursery and the rest with the mother, but I still believe children need their mothers to nurture them.

And people ponder why we now have a generation of children who don’t listen to a thing their parents say and do whatever they want because the parents themselves are strangers to them, and that’s what I’m scared of. Their upbringing is contracted out to a child minder or nursery that also looks after several children. Why would a teenager think they have to do anything someone who has seldom been there for them says? From a young age these children are dropped off before breakfast and picked up after dinner, if they are lucky they get to spend a couple of hours a night and weekends with the people they don’t really know because they spend more hours being looked after by someone else. I don’t understand people who have children to then give them to someone else to raise, surely your children’s upbringing is the most important in the world. Why bother getting pregnant if you have no intention in doing so? A child isn’t just a status or a symbol it needs nurturing and love.

To be fair this government has let the one important unit in the society down, and that is the family unit. I know that some people need to work to manage, but for others, how about cutting down? Some moan that childcare costs swallow their wages and often asks what’s the point of working? I say, why don’t you try to let go and let your job be taken by someone else who needs to be the breadwinner of his or her family – stay at home and raise the children who are your responsibility and not someone else’s. Some mothers whine about stagnating or not being challenged, simple solution: work from home, study, volunteer, chair the playgroup but please put the children first.

* I am not condemning any mothers who opts to be in the workforce I am just sharing my opinion. 🙂

Peace!

Welcome Little Dude!

After months and months of waiting finally my son has decided to come, well, I am a month late in posting my blog which took me a month to think about what to say too. I can say being a mum is the most terrific yet exhausting job, but, at the end of the day it is rewarding especially when the little one shows satisfaction in his teeny weeny face. 

Though I haven’t experienced any such thing as “night terrors” I have quite  a few friends who have told me about their struggles with the very unsettling phenomenon, like a banshee in the middle of the night, the wee one screams for god knows what the reason is, It is like a nightmare on steroids except that you are clueless of the reason. In fact since I haven’t experienced such, even in detailed description from friends I still don’t know what to expect, anyway I’ am super excited in encountering them (well, I was, I used too – till I discovered how they are like).

From the moment Luke was born, I tried coming up to certain routines, which I hope he will keep up till he’s old enough to do things on his own. 

Just when I was about to start on my daily routines, Luke would scream endlessly to the point that it freaks the hell out of me. Just a little bit of relaxation that’s what I’m asking daily to keep my sanity, but yeah my little one decided to scream, and who knows what the reason is when I am about to fall in a deep sleep, or about to do something different to keep my mind away from him for few minutes. Sometimes I think he screams because he’s bored, sometimes because he wants you to know that he’s there (although within yourself of course you know he’s there), sometimes I fail to think of any reasons. So yeah when he screams I desperately get out of bed and without any doubt will find him in a different state as he was few minutes or hours ago when I left him, Breathing heavily, wild eyed into the stillness of the bedroom, sobbing and screaming. I tried to calm him and soothe him with gentle words (eventhough he really doesn’t understand a word I say). I tried holding him just then he decides to throw his body elsewhere, kick or shove me away. Every attempt to calm him down is a struggle, all I can do is stand there helplessly, wait until he eventually calms himself down and fall back to sleep.

In the morning (that if I get a good hour or few hours sleep), I am becoming frustrated because of exhaustion from the previous night, I feel guilty for the misplaced anger I had towards my little son, who absolutely had no control over the episodes. I felt like I am a failure for failing to soothe and to help calm my son. Was it me, was it my mothering ways? I don’t know.

The feeding and inconsolable crying is taking it’s toll on me, as what I’ve said from a facebook post sometimes i think Luke thinks we own a milk factory for him to ask milk every two hours and wouldn’t show any signs of satisfaction at times and would ask for more after few minutes, which really makes me tired and sometimes I explode out of nowhere out of frustration and obviously the only person who gets it most of the time is GJ, out of the blue I just explode fiercely for no reason or for petty reason. 

But to be honest being a mom is the most rewarding job of all, although I am tired and on duty for the rest of my life at the end of the day one smile or hug from this precious little man makes it all go away.

I know I have so many things to look forward to, although some may be scary, it excites me to see every milestone(s) we will go through. 

Until then.

*I’ve inserted a photo of my son for the world to see how proud I am to have him 🙂

 

AJImage