The Three-nager

So we made it through babyhood, terrible two’s and about to graduate with the three-nager stage, it was dreadful, it was tormenting, it was fun. I heard from a friend who survived the trenches like us and has survived to tell the story, the best stages of parenthood is yet to come.
So the tormenting three’s huh.. a combination of a three years old energy and mentality but the attitude of teenagers ๐Ÿ˜Š. 
Our son started of his three-nager stage by having little opinion from the start of it and has overgrown towards the end of it. We thought the behaviour is erratic but the fact of the matter is they merely express their opinions with a dash of irrationality and mixed temperament which they are yet to learn to achieve the perfect concoction. 
I remembered when L turned two a lot, even a bucket loads of information about terrible two’s, even warnings from grannies, mommies and bloggers. But where the hell is the unforeseeable predictions about three’s, it took us by surprise,  no one ever saw the tormenting three’s coming.
At 18 months we hear a surge of words that turns to verbal explosion, and at three’s? It’s not only a surge in length but a surge in why’s and a surge of bossiness.  It’s a surge of tormenting everything. But still the love prevails right?!
Common scene at home:
M: What do you want for breakfast? 
L: Toast with Jam please mommy, I want it cut like a triangle. 
M: WHY ARE YOU NOT EATING?!
L: hugggggggyyyyyyy,  hugggggggyyyyyyy,  hugggggggyyyyyyy..the shape is not right, uh uh uh, I want water please, uhm I want this I want that
M: (on the verge of shouting) eat now or il take it away.
Dealing with lots of tormenting situations at home made me well proofed for this. Sometimes I ignore the fact that he whines then he’ll eat it anyway, but I am not a perfect parent and I lose my rag sometimes.
I mean my son is very responsible, polite, outspoken (a little too much sometimes) and kind but he has his days too. There are days where he will absolutely cry for everything, have we been such naggy parents that we created a little diva, a little drama king, but hey these too shall pass.
The hardest part is, trying to negotiate  a deal but he would stop listening half way, is it a man thing? I mean selective hearing, my husband sure does that. Or why explaining things they would run, change the topic (he is getting better at it) or just pretend not to listen, but I think they do that selective hearing bit because they learn how to filter which things are beneficial and not beneficial to them. Or sometimes maybe I nag too much and just won’t leave him be. I think I should stop having that bad habit, it’s not healthy.
The best advice I was given by my mother few years ago was that rather than keeping on nagging at them we have to give them a little bit of liberty to decide what they actually want so there is an involvement and connection rather than just barking orders at them. So rather than saying here is your lunch now eat please, I would rather say, Please L what do you want to eat for lunch? We have chicken nuggets and cod fingers. It works out on most days but obviously everyday is different and everyday is interesting.
I made some investigations and found a really cool article from buzz feed. 
1. You live in constant fear of how to cut the shape of their sandwich or toast. Do they want triangles today, rectangles, squares? And when they do tell you, they change their mind right after you cut it.
2. They say things like (with hands firmly placed on hips), โ€œI donโ€™t want to clean up, I want to do what I want to do!โ€
3. You go through three or more wardrobe changes a day. Please just pick a already!
4. Your child goes boneless the second you remind them that a transition is coming, especially when they are asked to stop playing. By the way, when was this ability given to children? You know, lay limp and double your body weight so mom canโ€™t move you. Itโ€™s a talent reminiscent of a possum playing deadโ€ฆ
5. They run away from you when itโ€™s time to get dressed, or leave a play place, or do anything they deem unnecessary. In fact running away from you is their favorite activity.
6. To nap or not to nap, that is the question. A threenagerโ€™s answer will always be emphatically โ€œNO!โ€ Unless of course itโ€™s time for school, and they crawl into bed because theyโ€™re โ€œtired.โ€
7. They want three of everything because they are three.
8. At red lights they yell, โ€œGoโ€ฆ GOOO!โ€ Threenagers do not possess patience.
9. Speaking of the car, you have to leave 10 minutes earlier so they can buckle their own car seat by their โ€œOWN SELF!โ€
10. You realize theyโ€™ll be a great trial lawyer one day when theyโ€™ve just negotiated their way out of a time-out.
When I saw that post I was laughing so hard in the kitchen that maybe at some point passers by thought I am a lunatic or I completely gone bonkers having to deal with two children, but yeah it’s because I can relate in every single one of them!
So mums we are not alone, take a deep breath, try to see the funny side and if all else fails I find going out is an absolute saviour to get rid of unwanted energy and attitude.

Our Brexit

Yes! We are having our own Brexit and we want it in style. Let the Land of bicycles and tulips welcome us with open arms. Everything is just falling into place at the right time and in the right place. We are delighted about the outcomes of our decision, of course I still hang out with my friends here, the so called “round the block gang”, surely I will miss my girls and the kids whom I love so dearly.  Sometimes when we get to talking the cold feet comes back, how convenient it is to just speak the language and be myself. Sometimes I think it’s the change that I am worried about. 

Brexit is not all that bad, our only way now is to move forwards and look forward whatever is waiting on the other side of the pond. You know, The UK has been my home for several years and it wasn’t all that bad, except for the occasional ” chinese” taunt which I admit is not that bad, but I must say not all Asians are Chinese. And the ” what kind of 3rd world pharmacy school have you been” il have you know my school is not so bad, and yes! I had my Master’s in one of the universities here so I wasn’t sure which 3rd world pharmacy school are they pertaining about, but despite the odd remarks, I kept calm and carried on. 

There are lots of things I love about the country, the beautiful nature, the adventure farms, the museums, parks, the beautiful people and the list goes on. The young people hanging out and sharing cheerful stories,  makes me realise that The  UK indeed has a future, these younger generation all looking so innocent now will become the future of whatever is left in The United Kingdom. 

Every day is another day closer with our Brexit, it makes me realise how much I’ve fallen in love with the country, how much il miss the walks we do every weekend, how much we’ll miss playing with the children in the neighbourhood. But as I’ve said in the previous post, I think I’m just scared of all the changes that will happen, emotionally and socially.  

Whenever I think about the tall people, the bicycles, the language, I get a bit stressed out and panic. Deep inside I want everything to be perfect but I just can’t get my head around it yet but I’m getting used to the idea of having our family home few steps closer, more than ever. 

Despite the political issues, the animosity and all. I still think The United Kingdom is a beautiful country and will always have a special place in my heart, it taught me a lot of things and develop my personality as I am now.

#iloveUK

Motherhood at its best

Motherhood has its ups and downs, each and everyone has our own fair share of struggles, stories and embarrassments. It is in motherhood that we learn about raising and celebrating our children, the children that we have, not the children what we thought we have or the children we were expecting. That we should be grateful and understanding that our children are the children that they are supposed to be, rather than what we are expecting to have. Our children are teachers that teaches us what kind of parents we are supposed to be. 

Motherhood is hard enough, the chores, the tantrums, the sleepless nights, the nightmare of parenting, the eyes of strangers looking (whether we are doing a great job), the criticisms (everybody is a goddamn critic), every single molecule in our parenting thing will go through that thread hole because everyone around us will think they are perfect enough to advice and criticise us. Everybody will give unsolicited fracking advices. It is up to us to filter what’s useful and not, and it’s up to us to raise our children.

It’s never easy to raise children, it’s either you make them or break them. Just looking at it, it seems to be a daunting, stressful and challenging job, well it is and nobody is perfect. Parenting, is such a job that it evolves us to become a better person and know our self worth.

Parenting requires resilience,  no matter how resilient we are in terms of adversities and challenges, we still need support, love, encouragement and inspirations that is for everybody for sure. We loathe criticisms as we are all different and we have different styles.

The hopes that we have for our children, the dreams that we want them to be, the possibilities there are, the happiness they give us, the love, they make us feel good about ourselves and to remind us that we are doing a spectacular job. The smiles they bring that brightens the whole gloomy world around us, the efforts we make to make these parenting hurdles easier. The difficulties we experience to bring the best in us. The unique abilities each and every child has, same for us parents. The storms that we experience to make us strong and to be the best people we can be. 

It is not a joke to parent a child, it is quite a job but the satisfaction we get when people praise them, when they share or when they get a bit flustered (which means they turn to us for attention) about things, it is a unique experience for each and everyone.

The embarrassments, oooh I have plenty, but I am no longer embarrass to embrace my flaws. Because one thing I figured, an embarrassing moment will make your world a lot brighter. I once had the guts to warm up my pizza from the microwave after having a rough night, yes I turned the damn thing on and to my disappointment my pizza isn’t there, so I was looking for it in the oven, fridge or wherever just to find it in the frying pan in the hob. I almost burnt the house down there. And there’s this instance I’ve been looking for my glasses for days just to find them in the fridge, or a poo-nami explosion, these experiences makes parenting a wonderful experience not a dreadful one.

I love the grunt work, the noise, the cries, the laughs, the accidents (wee and poo), the arguments (between me and dad, or dad and L, or L and me), the adventures, the craziness, and most especially the love.

Love makes up for everything.

The cries meant I need you more than you know.

The screams doesn’t mean I hate you but you are my rock.

The hugs that are super nice when you are tired.

And the grunt work, brings happiness because at the end of the day we are raising wonderful and resilient children.

Write soon ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

Mrs. Potato

I never had problems fitting in, because I never intended to include myself in those social circles where in the long run you lose your own identity. I never had lots of friends, I choose or I lose. Don’t get me wrong I am a friendly person but I’m a very finicky one. I like hanging out with people whom I share common interests, conversations or banters.

Since having children, I feel like I have to be in social circles for my children to gain friends, I felt terrible with my common mom appearance, with my diet and just my physical overall appearance, so basically I have insecurities. I’ve been so insecure about my tummy because somebody would point out (everytime) it hasn’t gone down as much as it should have been, you see I had cesarean section and it takes a while until I can do extreme exercises again. ย Don’t get me wrong I do exercises at home, I live healthily (except for cheat days), I am sane and normal.

There are days I feel like I should be a corn on the cob, with neatly tucked hair with smooth and neat skin, but most days I feel like I’m a potato, I feel odd, I feel rough, I feel prickly and bumpy. But slowly I’m learning to let go of the bring back the old me or bring back the pre pregnancy body, I’m slowly loving my self, my tiny bod and my imperfect skin. Slowly I’m learning to stop caring and just be myself again. ย Plus everybody or most of us loves potatoes right, you know French fries (chips), crisps (love them), mash ( yup!) And much more. I mean being a potato isn’t so bad after all, you’re fat (yeah so?!), but you get more love from everybody. I just have to accept that after having two children I just have to accept my imperfections because I got two perfect babies, that I should not expect to look like somebody from bay watch or jersey girls (is there such a thing?!).

I know I’ve been moaning a lot about my children, as I’ve said we have a love and hate relationship, but that makes parenting interesting, we make contradicting points. My children can be the worse on some days but they mean the world to us. Especially when they fail to see our imperfections, because for them we are the prettiest (even if we look rough, no combing, no sleep), the bravest (although I admit I’m terrified of massive spiders), the sweetest ( even we shout and have those temper tantrums too) and the best (mommy or daddy) in the world.

I love how our children sees us differently than the world around portrays us. I love how simple their world is. I am learning from my children and I’m learning to see the world in their eyes. I’m getting there and I’m trying to ignore all these insecurities, ย I’m learning to discover and reinvent myself. I don’t have to prove anything from people, I just have to be the best I can be for my self and for my family.

P.s : love your mommy bod too, they are not as bad as they look ๐Ÿ˜Š

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The hyper hygienic neighbour

It’s gardening time, most of us will think what seeds, bulbs or plants to grow. What attracts wildlife, flies, bugs, butterflies, bees etc. We are good like that we try to encourage our children to get involved in the garden, L having his own plot, mommy is in charge with the flowers and dad for the veggies. But whilst we are enjoying our little garden, our neighbour is ultra mad. She removed most natural in her garden changing her turf to artificial. ย Poor living organisms, how will they survive. I remember one time G’s mom got us a little bird feeder, we put it up by the fence and put some seeds in it, she told me off for doing so, why? Because she doesn’t like the birds. I planted lots of flowers to encourage the bees and butterflies to roam freely in the garden, she told me off, because she said bees are annoying. I mean we have the moral responsibility to teach our children to love nature not to hate it. We have the moral responsibility to at least care for our environment not trash it with artificial sh*t.

This time I don’t give a damn anymore, I bought sh*t loads of bulbs, flower seeds and plants for the bedding to encourage more flies, insects and all in the garden. I am determined to piss her off. I just wish the birds will see that they are welcome in our garden and after having dinner at ours may the poop be at hers.

It is super important for us that our children will learn on how to care and look after our environment so they can pass it on to their children, we want them to love it and enjoy it. We encourage digging, muck and dirt. We don’t want hyper clean children, who are restricted in doing things, or who are crazy about keeping clean. Children are meant to be sticky, mucky and disgusting. They are meant to explore not to be restricted indoors.

This spring we will do quite a bit of project with the children:

1. We will build a sandpit with some special features in it.

2. We will build our own bug hotel from forest twigs and wood.

3. We will plant more flowers for the butterflies and bees.

4. We will plant more varieties of veggies.

5. We will clone some of our successful crops.

I just hope the lady next door doesn’t get too upset but hey that’s life, you cannot have it all ๐Ÿ˜Š

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My Daredevils

Crazy as it sounds, I’m raising Daredevils.

My son, at age 2 has been going down the highest slopes in the skate park with his balance bike. Balance bike! He’s meant to be learning to cycle with it not jumping off or doing some exhibitions in the slopes.  Oh my heart, the first time he did it I was so scared I thought I would be needing my own oxygen tank.

Then he met a teenager in the same skate park weeks later and that boy let him use his penny board.. my son didn’t hesitate, he prowled in an instant,without skipping a heartbeat.oh my boy! He’s growing up too fast, way fast!

Farm parks are great, not only they burn the kids energy, it feeds the imagination,it encourages to become a super boy, with a super power, with unlimited energy, to test the limits, break rules and screaming fits. My gosh! He is only three and loves exploring the older children’s play areas, such as the really high slides, the death slides, the fast slides, and the vertical drops. My heart skips a bit or two every time!

He doesn’t fear anything! He is not worried if he grazes his knees or gets some bruising. If he has to, he will engage and explore, that’s what I like about experiences rather than toys,  with experiences we create memories with toys we teach them, we enjoy then after awhile they’re forgotten, because they’re fed up of playing with them. Memories will be with them forever, we take pictures, we bond and we communicate. Somehow we have this motto these days,” less toys the better”.

Our children’s learning curve are amazing, our sweet face girl recently discovered she can do 360 degrees regardless of being on her tummy or back. She has this perseverance and urge to explore. Very very strong willed like her brother. With our son as long as it doesn’t involve anything with spooky things he is willing to try. In fact in one of our walks he mentioned to his dad that he is bored at home because he’s been missing the fun and he’s not learning anything new, I guess that’s true, but I kept him at home not because he deserves isolation but because they had chickenpox. I suppose there’s no reasoning with a three-nager huh. It’s either your fault or his way.

Our little sweet pea tried the swings she didn’t look amuse but she likes the idea of being in there, she cried a bit then forgot about it. She tried the baby zip wire too just a really slow one, a baby slide,  the soft play..she enjoyed every bits of it. I’m glad she did, she was slightly overwhelmed but of course she’s only 5 months and everything is a bit of a shock, lots of colours, shapes, textures and patterns to see and feel.

These memories we are creating will be remembered until they become adults, the toys will only be there as long as they need it then will be forgotten.

Cheer up, the sun is shining, it’s a brand new day..to love and explore

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Missing work

Wow, I really miss work, I miss venting my stress with my very very rude patients. I miss the fast pace of work, I miss the drugs around me, the scripts, ย the keyboards ticking, the rush, the debates, the silly phone calls, the arguments, the advices I give my patients, I miss my old self.

I am regretting something, that I wish I saw the importance of my role in the community. I failed to see that during my tenure in the pharmacy, I suppose because I was fed up and just saw the gloomy side of it all, perhaps I was bored of my work, I have a wonderful relationship with my colleagues that even though I left ages ago we are still in touch. I am grateful of that.

I am not regretting having a family because they are my world and my all. But sometimes I am thinking what could have been achieved if I waited a bit longer. I had lots of work offers even post pregnancy, rather tempting offers, but money can’t buy all. Money can’t buy my children’s relationship with us, their parents.

I worked on a routine wake up, work, home, sleep, repeat. Wow I was never a routine sort of person until I moved in England and pushed myself to work harder without a proper balance in my life either I’m drunk or working or both (I meant hungover). I lived a rubbish life, dating after a heartbreak, and just working. But in between those rubbish times, I met amazing and interesting people. Not as interesting as G but interesting and amazing enough to keep as friends.

I had an awesome housemate, well funny, amazing and very caring. I really miss him, the banter, the meals we make together, the stories. I wish those times can be relived, he is one of the amazing friends I have, and it’s for keeps.

I had a horrible boss ,he froze me out of the workplace, which I helped him build, never paid a dime (a month worth of my wages) and just terrible. Good thing I came to my senses and found the most amazing boss after that. Gosh the ambiance at work is completely different than the previous horrid work environment.

I love my work colleagues it felt like my second family away from home, I learned a lot and grew my own wings. I discovered a lot from my profession and realised that I was busy loathing my previous job that I failed to develop my own career, my new boss helped me to fill the gaps, whatever is lacking to be an amazing pharmacist I can be, he pushed me to work to my limits and to learn new things, I am forever indebted, without the inspiration and encouragement I wouldn’t be able to achieve all of these.

You know what I miss London too the hustle and bustle, the fast pace of life but life isn’t about holding on, it’s all about moving forward.

I love all the experiences I had but I am looking forward to the future too.

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