The Three-nager

So we made it through babyhood, terrible two’s and about to graduate with the three-nager stage, it was dreadful, it was tormenting, it was fun. I heard from a friend who survived the trenches like us and has survived to tell the story, the best stages of parenthood is yet to come.
So the tormenting three’s huh.. a combination of a three years old energy and mentality but the attitude of teenagers 😊. 
Our son started of his three-nager stage by having little opinion from the start of it and has overgrown towards the end of it. We thought the behaviour is erratic but the fact of the matter is they merely express their opinions with a dash of irrationality and mixed temperament which they are yet to learn to achieve the perfect concoction. 
I remembered when L turned two a lot, even a bucket loads of information about terrible two’s, even warnings from grannies, mommies and bloggers. But where the hell is the unforeseeable predictions about three’s, it took us by surprise,  no one ever saw the tormenting three’s coming.
At 18 months we hear a surge of words that turns to verbal explosion, and at three’s? It’s not only a surge in length but a surge in why’s and a surge of bossiness.  It’s a surge of tormenting everything. But still the love prevails right?!
Common scene at home:
M: What do you want for breakfast? 
L: Toast with Jam please mommy, I want it cut like a triangle. 
M: WHY ARE YOU NOT EATING?!
L: hugggggggyyyyyyy,  hugggggggyyyyyyy,  hugggggggyyyyyyy..the shape is not right, uh uh uh, I want water please, uhm I want this I want that
M: (on the verge of shouting) eat now or il take it away.
Dealing with lots of tormenting situations at home made me well proofed for this. Sometimes I ignore the fact that he whines then he’ll eat it anyway, but I am not a perfect parent and I lose my rag sometimes.
I mean my son is very responsible, polite, outspoken (a little too much sometimes) and kind but he has his days too. There are days where he will absolutely cry for everything, have we been such naggy parents that we created a little diva, a little drama king, but hey these too shall pass.
The hardest part is, trying to negotiate  a deal but he would stop listening half way, is it a man thing? I mean selective hearing, my husband sure does that. Or why explaining things they would run, change the topic (he is getting better at it) or just pretend not to listen, but I think they do that selective hearing bit because they learn how to filter which things are beneficial and not beneficial to them. Or sometimes maybe I nag too much and just won’t leave him be. I think I should stop having that bad habit, it’s not healthy.
The best advice I was given by my mother few years ago was that rather than keeping on nagging at them we have to give them a little bit of liberty to decide what they actually want so there is an involvement and connection rather than just barking orders at them. So rather than saying here is your lunch now eat please, I would rather say, Please L what do you want to eat for lunch? We have chicken nuggets and cod fingers. It works out on most days but obviously everyday is different and everyday is interesting.
I made some investigations and found a really cool article from buzz feed. 
1. You live in constant fear of how to cut the shape of their sandwich or toast. Do they want triangles today, rectangles, squares? And when they do tell you, they change their mind right after you cut it.
2. They say things like (with hands firmly placed on hips), β€œI don’t want to clean up, I want to do what I want to do!”
3. You go through three or more wardrobe changes a day. Please just pick a already!
4. Your child goes boneless the second you remind them that a transition is coming, especially when they are asked to stop playing. By the way, when was this ability given to children? You know, lay limp and double your body weight so mom can’t move you. It’s a talent reminiscent of a possum playing dead…
5. They run away from you when it’s time to get dressed, or leave a play place, or do anything they deem unnecessary. In fact running away from you is their favorite activity.
6. To nap or not to nap, that is the question. A threenager’s answer will always be emphatically β€œNO!” Unless of course it’s time for school, and they crawl into bed because they’re β€œtired.”
7. They want three of everything because they are three.
8. At red lights they yell, β€œGo… GOOO!” Threenagers do not possess patience.
9. Speaking of the car, you have to leave 10 minutes earlier so they can buckle their own car seat by their β€œOWN SELF!”
10. You realize they’ll be a great trial lawyer one day when they’ve just negotiated their way out of a time-out.
When I saw that post I was laughing so hard in the kitchen that maybe at some point passers by thought I am a lunatic or I completely gone bonkers having to deal with two children, but yeah it’s because I can relate in every single one of them!
So mums we are not alone, take a deep breath, try to see the funny side and if all else fails I find going out is an absolute saviour to get rid of unwanted energy and attitude.

Hardest and most amazing job ever!Β 

I know I posted few weeks ago that I miss my work. I still do, but the work I’m doing now is way harder than dispensing medication and calculating dosages. The work I am doing now can make or break someone’s future. Sometimes I can’t get enough sleep, or no sleep at all. Sometimes I can only eat 2 meals or sometimes no meal at all. I’m not skint or anything it’s just that I am very busy, the tasks I have to do, the chores I have to finish, on top of that my bosses need me to translate something,  interpret things, respond to constant demands. 

In school I manage to finish my bachelor’s alright, then moved on to my master’s with exceptional colours, going on to work, I have constant invitations for interviews and job prospects, but this I don’t understand, I finished all those hurdles in my life and never caved in, but this job I am doing now I am nearly crawling at the end of the day. It is so difficult that on a Monday I am already wishing and praying for Friday to come quick.

The hardest job is rewarding too. I can work from home and never have to wear my fancy work suit, I can wear my shirt and jeans, teach somebody, encourage somebody and get on with life. There are days when I feel like I am a teacher, teach the children, read books,  paint some pictures and mark their progress. There are days when I am the chef, I fulfill the food requests, teach them to bake, what’s healthy and beneficial for our well being. There are days when I am the driver, take them to places, show them around, teach them about places, anything we see in our surroundings and how much we can help to improve it and what are our responsibilities too. There are days when I am the health care provider, when they are sick, I diagnose and treat, and be the doctor they want me to be, I calculate the dosages and dispense it lovingly to my patients and be the pharmacist they need me be, I then move on to caring for them, fulfilling their needs, checking them round the clock and be the super nurse I have to be. There are days when I am the cleaner, cleaning after their mess, picking up bits and pieces. And much more.

Being a mother doesn’t stop from there, from being someone else, we are someone else all the time, we can be whatever we want may it be a driver, a doctor, a maid, a cook etc. But at the end of the day we are the mother and our role is much complex than what is perceived. We are the jack of all trades, we multi task and we are very adaptable with our working environment, we can work in extremely chaotic, catastrophic and crazy work environment and yet we do it with pride. We can keep calm even under extreme pressure. We have longer patience even with the constant tormenting. We are in command, we are the captain of our own vessels and yet no matter how high we think of ourselves these teeny crazy weenies are our bosses and we take their lead. 

We work more than 100 hrs per week, nothing to minimal wages, Monday to Sunday,  on call every night and no holiday until the foreseeable future. Regardless of all the exhaustion and craziness in the umpteenth time this is the most fulfilling job ever, as we get to see the milestones,  the day to day progress and we get to raise individuals who will learn to share the learnings we teach them.

I can say proudly I am a SUPER Mommy (and I don’t care what others think of that! πŸ–’πŸ–’πŸ–’πŸ–’πŸ–’

All of us are SUPER  MOMS in our own special ways!😘😘😘😘

Write soon xx

Motherhood at its best

Motherhood has its ups and downs, each and everyone has our own fair share of struggles, stories and embarrassments. It is in motherhood that we learn about raising and celebrating our children, the children that we have, not the children what we thought we have or the children we were expecting. That we should be grateful and understanding that our children are the children that they are supposed to be, rather than what we are expecting to have. Our children are teachers that teaches us what kind of parents we are supposed to be. 

Motherhood is hard enough, the chores, the tantrums, the sleepless nights, the nightmare of parenting, the eyes of strangers looking (whether we are doing a great job), the criticisms (everybody is a goddamn critic), every single molecule in our parenting thing will go through that thread hole because everyone around us will think they are perfect enough to advice and criticise us. Everybody will give unsolicited fracking advices. It is up to us to filter what’s useful and not, and it’s up to us to raise our children.

It’s never easy to raise children, it’s either you make them or break them. Just looking at it, it seems to be a daunting, stressful and challenging job, well it is and nobody is perfect. Parenting, is such a job that it evolves us to become a better person and know our self worth.

Parenting requires resilience,  no matter how resilient we are in terms of adversities and challenges, we still need support, love, encouragement and inspirations that is for everybody for sure. We loathe criticisms as we are all different and we have different styles.

The hopes that we have for our children, the dreams that we want them to be, the possibilities there are, the happiness they give us, the love, they make us feel good about ourselves and to remind us that we are doing a spectacular job. The smiles they bring that brightens the whole gloomy world around us, the efforts we make to make these parenting hurdles easier. The difficulties we experience to bring the best in us. The unique abilities each and every child has, same for us parents. The storms that we experience to make us strong and to be the best people we can be. 

It is not a joke to parent a child, it is quite a job but the satisfaction we get when people praise them, when they share or when they get a bit flustered (which means they turn to us for attention) about things, it is a unique experience for each and everyone.

The embarrassments, oooh I have plenty, but I am no longer embarrass to embrace my flaws. Because one thing I figured, an embarrassing moment will make your world a lot brighter. I once had the guts to warm up my pizza from the microwave after having a rough night, yes I turned the damn thing on and to my disappointment my pizza isn’t there, so I was looking for it in the oven, fridge or wherever just to find it in the frying pan in the hob. I almost burnt the house down there. And there’s this instance I’ve been looking for my glasses for days just to find them in the fridge, or a poo-nami explosion, these experiences makes parenting a wonderful experience not a dreadful one.

I love the grunt work, the noise, the cries, the laughs, the accidents (wee and poo), the arguments (between me and dad, or dad and L, or L and me), the adventures, the craziness, and most especially the love.

Love makes up for everything.

The cries meant I need you more than you know.

The screams doesn’t mean I hate you but you are my rock.

The hugs that are super nice when you are tired.

And the grunt work, brings happiness because at the end of the day we are raising wonderful and resilient children.

Write soon 😘😘😘😘😘

Panic Buyer

What’s the difference when shopping pre babies and shopping post babies? Good question, pre babies I like doing it, I find it relaxing having some me time, smelling some scented candles that you won’t bother to buy, going from aisle to aisle, relaxed. Post babies (toddler and a baby),I panic buy, every single time! I just want to get the hell out of the shop before one of the children explodes.

I dread it when I am booked for an appointment, or run an errand may it be to the shops or post office, the dreadful part is? Getting and waiting in the queue. Queues makes my life goddamn miserable, every single time! It’s a tried and tested way to work out how short your fuse is. It is dreadful because at this point the children will reach their melting point, which both the child and excuses (solid and liquid, excuses are liquid because it depends if you can sway them with the fluidity of the excuse or otherwise) exist in equilibrium. The higher the purity of your excuse the smaller the range for a melting point, such as finding a buffer to equalise the already imminent meltdown. Gosh meltdowns are dreadful especially when it happens around strangers, all eyes on you smirking or taking pity on you, adding up to the already escalating stress levels. 

There are days when I take them to the shop and they decide to behave provided you buy what they put in the basket or trolley (for L that is). They choose things you don’t even want to buy then you forget what you were intending to get. Anyway, shopping is so much stressful around children,  the shouting (aaaaaarrrhhh), they lie down on the floor (when they want something and you won’t allow it), they cry  (for everything), then the endless why’s  (for god knows the question) that makes your head explode. I was always good in sticking with the budget and shopping list, but now I panic, and I panic buy, let’s say in my list it says 1x  organic carrots any first bag of carrots I see I buy x 2. That is so me panic buying,  so now I learned my lesson I go shopping every Friday evening or Saturday morning once a week, alone and leave daddy to deal with the children and to save me from breaking the bank.

On some days I deliberately take L and let him decide which veg  or fruits he wants to eat, hand him his pretend credit card (a garden centre club card), let him pretend pay for it and that gives him an idea how everything works and sure when he gets home he is so keen to eat what he’s chosen. It works every time. 

Shopping shouldn’t be stressful but a baby and a toddler is a very bad combination you can take one or the other not both, it’s going to be a catastrophe. As soon as you get distracted by the baby’s crying before you know it the basket is filled with crap! And you are just doomed, because whatever is in there, they know when you take it out.

I tried different strategies when taking them shopping but this one is the winner, I make sure baby is sleeping (soundly) and the toddler, I let him choose whichever treat he wants (only one!) and he is only allowed to open or eat it with the following conditions, if he is well behaved until we finish shopping and if he eats and finishes his main meals for the day, then he not only behaves for the whole shopping duration but for the rest of the day, hahaha! Talking about being smart ha!

Anyway, shopping alone without the children feels like a holiday, quiet, chill and I can take my time (a little bit).  But now and again I don’t mind having somebody, rolling on the floor, makes the experience a little bit interesting.

Write soon 😘😘😘😘😘

Mrs. Potato

I never had problems fitting in, because I never intended to include myself in those social circles where in the long run you lose your own identity. I never had lots of friends, I choose or I lose. Don’t get me wrong I am a friendly person but I’m a very finicky one. I like hanging out with people whom I share common interests, conversations or banters.

Since having children, I feel like I have to be in social circles for my children to gain friends, I felt terrible with my common mom appearance, with my diet and just my physical overall appearance, so basically I have insecurities. I’ve been so insecure about my tummy because somebody would point out (everytime) it hasn’t gone down as much as it should have been, you see I had cesarean section and it takes a while until I can do extreme exercises again. Β Don’t get me wrong I do exercises at home, I live healthily (except for cheat days), I am sane and normal.

There are days I feel like I should be a corn on the cob, with neatly tucked hair with smooth and neat skin, but most days I feel like I’m a potato, I feel odd, I feel rough, I feel prickly and bumpy. But slowly I’m learning to let go of the bring back the old me or bring back the pre pregnancy body, I’m slowly loving my self, my tiny bod and my imperfect skin. Slowly I’m learning to stop caring and just be myself again. Β Plus everybody or most of us loves potatoes right, you know French fries (chips), crisps (love them), mash ( yup!) And much more. I mean being a potato isn’t so bad after all, you’re fat (yeah so?!), but you get more love from everybody. I just have to accept that after having two children I just have to accept my imperfections because I got two perfect babies, that I should not expect to look like somebody from bay watch or jersey girls (is there such a thing?!).

I know I’ve been moaning a lot about my children, as I’ve said we have a love and hate relationship, but that makes parenting interesting, we make contradicting points. My children can be the worse on some days but they mean the world to us. Especially when they fail to see our imperfections, because for them we are the prettiest (even if we look rough, no combing, no sleep), the bravest (although I admit I’m terrified of massive spiders), the sweetest ( even we shout and have those temper tantrums too) and the best (mommy or daddy) in the world.

I love how our children sees us differently than the world around portrays us. I love how simple their world is. I am learning from my children and I’m learning to see the world in their eyes. I’m getting there and I’m trying to ignore all these insecurities, Β I’m learning to discover and reinvent myself. I don’t have to prove anything from people, I just have to be the best I can be for my self and for my family.

P.s : love your mommy bod too, they are not as bad as they look 😊

Write soon 😘😘😘😘😘

My Daredevils

Crazy as it sounds, I’m raising Daredevils.

My son, at age 2 has been going down the highest slopes in the skate park with his balance bike. Balance bike! He’s meant to be learning to cycle with it not jumping off or doing some exhibitions in the slopes.  Oh my heart, the first time he did it I was so scared I thought I would be needing my own oxygen tank.

Then he met a teenager in the same skate park weeks later and that boy let him use his penny board.. my son didn’t hesitate, he prowled in an instant,without skipping a heartbeat.oh my boy! He’s growing up too fast, way fast!

Farm parks are great, not only they burn the kids energy, it feeds the imagination,it encourages to become a super boy, with a super power, with unlimited energy, to test the limits, break rules and screaming fits. My gosh! He is only three and loves exploring the older children’s play areas, such as the really high slides, the death slides, the fast slides, and the vertical drops. My heart skips a bit or two every time!

He doesn’t fear anything! He is not worried if he grazes his knees or gets some bruising. If he has to, he will engage and explore, that’s what I like about experiences rather than toys,  with experiences we create memories with toys we teach them, we enjoy then after awhile they’re forgotten, because they’re fed up of playing with them. Memories will be with them forever, we take pictures, we bond and we communicate. Somehow we have this motto these days,” less toys the better”.

Our children’s learning curve are amazing, our sweet face girl recently discovered she can do 360 degrees regardless of being on her tummy or back. She has this perseverance and urge to explore. Very very strong willed like her brother. With our son as long as it doesn’t involve anything with spooky things he is willing to try. In fact in one of our walks he mentioned to his dad that he is bored at home because he’s been missing the fun and he’s not learning anything new, I guess that’s true, but I kept him at home not because he deserves isolation but because they had chickenpox. I suppose there’s no reasoning with a three-nager huh. It’s either your fault or his way.

Our little sweet pea tried the swings she didn’t look amuse but she likes the idea of being in there, she cried a bit then forgot about it. She tried the baby zip wire too just a really slow one, a baby slide,  the soft play..she enjoyed every bits of it. I’m glad she did, she was slightly overwhelmed but of course she’s only 5 months and everything is a bit of a shock, lots of colours, shapes, textures and patterns to see and feel.

These memories we are creating will be remembered until they become adults, the toys will only be there as long as they need it then will be forgotten.

Cheer up, the sun is shining, it’s a brand new day..to love and explore

Write soon 😘😘😘😘😘

Moana and chicken pox

So I guess we achieved another milestone, currently we are experiencing the wrath of chicken pox with the help of Moana. Yes! Moana is helping me to settle the grumpy children. Oh lordy! Β Another day, another phase, another sleepless night.

How am I gonna survive this ordeal, is beyond me. But to take it one step at a time, crawling, rolling and walking really slowly..God I’m tired but what to do but to pick up myself and carry on. My patience is slowly wearing out, please I need to borrow more patience, I really do.

At least Moana is cheering my boy up and he’s singing away ‘you’re welcome’.

But oh boy, he’s tormenting me with mom this, mom that, mooooooooooooommmmm.. oh gosh! Little things mom, mom, mom I guess he was right when he said my real name is mom mom mom mom mom not AJ. Children, honestly you can’t and can live with them.

I can’t say I hate my life right now I sort of do and don’t but hey that’s life you gotta deal with it I suppose but the sleepless nights are getting on my nerves and I’m goddamn tired seriously I’m dying with a really slow death. But but buuuuuuut, at the end of the day when Lukie says mom you are awesome or sometimes he imitates the scene in Moana and he says mommy, mommy, mommy Β (whispering behind me, in my ear) you’re amaaaazzing.. makes me really laugh and wants to hug him even more and no matter how tired I am I just really forget it..it makes me really happy.

Oh this love and hate relationship makes my life beautiful and interesting.

Write soon 😘😘😘😘😘