The Three-nager

So we made it through babyhood, terrible two’s and about to graduate with the three-nager stage, it was dreadful, it was tormenting, it was fun. I heard from a friend who survived the trenches like us and has survived to tell the story, the best stages of parenthood is yet to come.
So the tormenting three’s huh.. a combination of a three years old energy and mentality but the attitude of teenagers 😊. 
Our son started of his three-nager stage by having little opinion from the start of it and has overgrown towards the end of it. We thought the behaviour is erratic but the fact of the matter is they merely express their opinions with a dash of irrationality and mixed temperament which they are yet to learn to achieve the perfect concoction. 
I remembered when L turned two a lot, even a bucket loads of information about terrible two’s, even warnings from grannies, mommies and bloggers. But where the hell is the unforeseeable predictions about three’s, it took us by surprise,  no one ever saw the tormenting three’s coming.
At 18 months we hear a surge of words that turns to verbal explosion, and at three’s? It’s not only a surge in length but a surge in why’s and a surge of bossiness.  It’s a surge of tormenting everything. But still the love prevails right?!
Common scene at home:
M: What do you want for breakfast? 
L: Toast with Jam please mommy, I want it cut like a triangle. 
M: WHY ARE YOU NOT EATING?!
L: hugggggggyyyyyyy,  hugggggggyyyyyyy,  hugggggggyyyyyyy..the shape is not right, uh uh uh, I want water please, uhm I want this I want that
M: (on the verge of shouting) eat now or il take it away.
Dealing with lots of tormenting situations at home made me well proofed for this. Sometimes I ignore the fact that he whines then he’ll eat it anyway, but I am not a perfect parent and I lose my rag sometimes.
I mean my son is very responsible, polite, outspoken (a little too much sometimes) and kind but he has his days too. There are days where he will absolutely cry for everything, have we been such naggy parents that we created a little diva, a little drama king, but hey these too shall pass.
The hardest part is, trying to negotiate  a deal but he would stop listening half way, is it a man thing? I mean selective hearing, my husband sure does that. Or why explaining things they would run, change the topic (he is getting better at it) or just pretend not to listen, but I think they do that selective hearing bit because they learn how to filter which things are beneficial and not beneficial to them. Or sometimes maybe I nag too much and just won’t leave him be. I think I should stop having that bad habit, it’s not healthy.
The best advice I was given by my mother few years ago was that rather than keeping on nagging at them we have to give them a little bit of liberty to decide what they actually want so there is an involvement and connection rather than just barking orders at them. So rather than saying here is your lunch now eat please, I would rather say, Please L what do you want to eat for lunch? We have chicken nuggets and cod fingers. It works out on most days but obviously everyday is different and everyday is interesting.
I made some investigations and found a really cool article from buzz feed. 
1. You live in constant fear of how to cut the shape of their sandwich or toast. Do they want triangles today, rectangles, squares? And when they do tell you, they change their mind right after you cut it.
2. They say things like (with hands firmly placed on hips), “I don’t want to clean up, I want to do what I want to do!”
3. You go through three or more wardrobe changes a day. Please just pick a already!
4. Your child goes boneless the second you remind them that a transition is coming, especially when they are asked to stop playing. By the way, when was this ability given to children? You know, lay limp and double your body weight so mom can’t move you. It’s a talent reminiscent of a possum playing dead…
5. They run away from you when it’s time to get dressed, or leave a play place, or do anything they deem unnecessary. In fact running away from you is their favorite activity.
6. To nap or not to nap, that is the question. A threenager’s answer will always be emphatically “NO!” Unless of course it’s time for school, and they crawl into bed because they’re “tired.”
7. They want three of everything because they are three.
8. At red lights they yell, “Go… GOOO!” Threenagers do not possess patience.
9. Speaking of the car, you have to leave 10 minutes earlier so they can buckle their own car seat by their “OWN SELF!”
10. You realize they’ll be a great trial lawyer one day when they’ve just negotiated their way out of a time-out.
When I saw that post I was laughing so hard in the kitchen that maybe at some point passers by thought I am a lunatic or I completely gone bonkers having to deal with two children, but yeah it’s because I can relate in every single one of them!
So mums we are not alone, take a deep breath, try to see the funny side and if all else fails I find going out is an absolute saviour to get rid of unwanted energy and attitude.

Hardest and most amazing job ever! 

I know I posted few weeks ago that I miss my work. I still do, but the work I’m doing now is way harder than dispensing medication and calculating dosages. The work I am doing now can make or break someone’s future. Sometimes I can’t get enough sleep, or no sleep at all. Sometimes I can only eat 2 meals or sometimes no meal at all. I’m not skint or anything it’s just that I am very busy, the tasks I have to do, the chores I have to finish, on top of that my bosses need me to translate something,  interpret things, respond to constant demands. 

In school I manage to finish my bachelor’s alright, then moved on to my master’s with exceptional colours, going on to work, I have constant invitations for interviews and job prospects, but this I don’t understand, I finished all those hurdles in my life and never caved in, but this job I am doing now I am nearly crawling at the end of the day. It is so difficult that on a Monday I am already wishing and praying for Friday to come quick.

The hardest job is rewarding too. I can work from home and never have to wear my fancy work suit, I can wear my shirt and jeans, teach somebody, encourage somebody and get on with life. There are days when I feel like I am a teacher, teach the children, read books,  paint some pictures and mark their progress. There are days when I am the chef, I fulfill the food requests, teach them to bake, what’s healthy and beneficial for our well being. There are days when I am the driver, take them to places, show them around, teach them about places, anything we see in our surroundings and how much we can help to improve it and what are our responsibilities too. There are days when I am the health care provider, when they are sick, I diagnose and treat, and be the doctor they want me to be, I calculate the dosages and dispense it lovingly to my patients and be the pharmacist they need me be, I then move on to caring for them, fulfilling their needs, checking them round the clock and be the super nurse I have to be. There are days when I am the cleaner, cleaning after their mess, picking up bits and pieces. And much more.

Being a mother doesn’t stop from there, from being someone else, we are someone else all the time, we can be whatever we want may it be a driver, a doctor, a maid, a cook etc. But at the end of the day we are the mother and our role is much complex than what is perceived. We are the jack of all trades, we multi task and we are very adaptable with our working environment, we can work in extremely chaotic, catastrophic and crazy work environment and yet we do it with pride. We can keep calm even under extreme pressure. We have longer patience even with the constant tormenting. We are in command, we are the captain of our own vessels and yet no matter how high we think of ourselves these teeny crazy weenies are our bosses and we take their lead. 

We work more than 100 hrs per week, nothing to minimal wages, Monday to Sunday,  on call every night and no holiday until the foreseeable future. Regardless of all the exhaustion and craziness in the umpteenth time this is the most fulfilling job ever, as we get to see the milestones,  the day to day progress and we get to raise individuals who will learn to share the learnings we teach them.

I can say proudly I am a SUPER Mommy (and I don’t care what others think of that! 🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒

All of us are SUPER  MOMS in our own special ways!😘😘😘😘

Write soon xx

Motherhood at its best

Motherhood has its ups and downs, each and everyone has our own fair share of struggles, stories and embarrassments. It is in motherhood that we learn about raising and celebrating our children, the children that we have, not the children what we thought we have or the children we were expecting. That we should be grateful and understanding that our children are the children that they are supposed to be, rather than what we are expecting to have. Our children are teachers that teaches us what kind of parents we are supposed to be. 

Motherhood is hard enough, the chores, the tantrums, the sleepless nights, the nightmare of parenting, the eyes of strangers looking (whether we are doing a great job), the criticisms (everybody is a goddamn critic), every single molecule in our parenting thing will go through that thread hole because everyone around us will think they are perfect enough to advice and criticise us. Everybody will give unsolicited fracking advices. It is up to us to filter what’s useful and not, and it’s up to us to raise our children.

It’s never easy to raise children, it’s either you make them or break them. Just looking at it, it seems to be a daunting, stressful and challenging job, well it is and nobody is perfect. Parenting, is such a job that it evolves us to become a better person and know our self worth.

Parenting requires resilience,  no matter how resilient we are in terms of adversities and challenges, we still need support, love, encouragement and inspirations that is for everybody for sure. We loathe criticisms as we are all different and we have different styles.

The hopes that we have for our children, the dreams that we want them to be, the possibilities there are, the happiness they give us, the love, they make us feel good about ourselves and to remind us that we are doing a spectacular job. The smiles they bring that brightens the whole gloomy world around us, the efforts we make to make these parenting hurdles easier. The difficulties we experience to bring the best in us. The unique abilities each and every child has, same for us parents. The storms that we experience to make us strong and to be the best people we can be. 

It is not a joke to parent a child, it is quite a job but the satisfaction we get when people praise them, when they share or when they get a bit flustered (which means they turn to us for attention) about things, it is a unique experience for each and everyone.

The embarrassments, oooh I have plenty, but I am no longer embarrass to embrace my flaws. Because one thing I figured, an embarrassing moment will make your world a lot brighter. I once had the guts to warm up my pizza from the microwave after having a rough night, yes I turned the damn thing on and to my disappointment my pizza isn’t there, so I was looking for it in the oven, fridge or wherever just to find it in the frying pan in the hob. I almost burnt the house down there. And there’s this instance I’ve been looking for my glasses for days just to find them in the fridge, or a poo-nami explosion, these experiences makes parenting a wonderful experience not a dreadful one.

I love the grunt work, the noise, the cries, the laughs, the accidents (wee and poo), the arguments (between me and dad, or dad and L, or L and me), the adventures, the craziness, and most especially the love.

Love makes up for everything.

The cries meant I need you more than you know.

The screams doesn’t mean I hate you but you are my rock.

The hugs that are super nice when you are tired.

And the grunt work, brings happiness because at the end of the day we are raising wonderful and resilient children.

Write soon 😘😘😘😘😘

SAHM

Few days ago I read this article from Daily Mail about stay at home mothers. There’s this “working” mother commenting that SAHM are brainless and lazy. I will not drop the person’s name but having that kind of opinion bothers me. Most SAHM attained certain degrees in Universities but being a stay at home mother is a choice. I can work full time if I wish to but that will be unfair for my child. I didn’t have this baby to be looked after by other people, I didn’t have this baby to be a stranger every time we are together, I want what is best for my child and I feel at this point in time no matter how many job offers I get the choice is to stay with him. I don’t mind being at the bottom of my career ladder because I know once I’m ready to go back I’m going to kick some ass. I admire mother’s who are working because that is a difficult thing to do as well, juggling between work and chores, we know how tired you are and hats off to all of you.

In my opinion, provided you are a good mother staying at home with your child will benefit but staying at home is not for everyone really. Some mothers do not enjoy being with their child/ children 24/7, ideally I would say a couple of days a week in a nursery and the rest with the mother, but I still believe children need their mothers to nurture them.

And people ponder why we now have a generation of children who don’t listen to a thing their parents say and do whatever they want because the parents themselves are strangers to them, and that’s what I’m scared of. Their upbringing is contracted out to a child minder or nursery that also looks after several children. Why would a teenager think they have to do anything someone who has seldom been there for them says? From a young age these children are dropped off before breakfast and picked up after dinner, if they are lucky they get to spend a couple of hours a night and weekends with the people they don’t really know because they spend more hours being looked after by someone else. I don’t understand people who have children to then give them to someone else to raise, surely your children’s upbringing is the most important in the world. Why bother getting pregnant if you have no intention in doing so? A child isn’t just a status or a symbol it needs nurturing and love.

To be fair this government has let the one important unit in the society down, and that is the family unit. I know that some people need to work to manage, but for others, how about cutting down? Some moan that childcare costs swallow their wages and often asks what’s the point of working? I say, why don’t you try to let go and let your job be taken by someone else who needs to be the breadwinner of his or her family – stay at home and raise the children who are your responsibility and not someone else’s. Some mothers whine about stagnating or not being challenged, simple solution: work from home, study, volunteer, chair the playgroup but please put the children first.

* I am not condemning any mothers who opts to be in the workforce I am just sharing my opinion. 🙂

Peace!

Motherhood –> Where sanity matters :)

Do you remember those days when you feel like you just want to hibernate even when at work? Ever had those days when you can just explode to your anger and blame it to your raging hormones? And how about those days when you can pig out and sneak out in the early hours just to satisfy your cravings and nobody notices how big you are because they see the bump more? I thought so, I’ve been to all those stages. But right now when hibernation is impossible the old notorious you at work is now the slave of the hustler baby. Yes, the hustler, you know those hustle and buzzles at home especially when the little one is up before you (well, most of the time he wakes up before me), he pokes your eyes, licks your face, pulls your hair, mumbles like no end, yup and still you can’t get out of bed just because mothering a little baby is so freaking tiring. Freaking tiring yet rewarding. 

0 to 3 months- Easy peasy lemon squeezy (as mothers to be are told), simple question. WHY? complicated answer: WITH experience mum-  baby is usually asleep, cries when hungry, cries when wet or when nappy is soiled, yup just lying around snoozing, tummy time and milk milk milk milk milk. WITHOUT experience mum- yeah baby is easy they are always sleeping. That’s what I have been told as well, babies are always sleeping although that’s a fact nobody told me about the freaking witching hours when baby just cries from 3 or 4 in the afternoon and stops at 5 or 6pm, when you are about to lose your sanity. You know when you just want to cry because you don’t know what’s wrong with your baby, that kind of thing is so stressful. Nobody told me that breastfeeding can be painful, someone told me yup when the baby cries offer your freaking breast, right and so I did and when I thought I was doing it properly then you have to think about latching, and be careful of your drugs (medication not cocaine people!) and so on. My god, those where the most precious times of motherhood because you just had a baby, yet they are the most stressful and mind blowing times of my life, I was about to lose it. I thought yup I’m losing my job and I’m losing sleep and I’m nearly losing my sanity. And so the baby story goes on.

3 to 6 months- exciting times. I had the most exciting three to six months experience with my baby. At three months he was rolling over back to front ( kinda cool!), so as a mum you have to put pillows everywhere, you know health and safety thing. At three months we had our first family long haul flight from UK to the Philippines, awesome? yes indeed, except when people gives you dirty looks when baby cries during landing and take off and when the baby is bored and you know those eyes that makes you uncomfortable when your breastfeeding and you just want to poke them and shout like what the hell is wrong with you, man I’m feeding my baby could you please look at your own thing. But hey you can’t because if you do so they might throw you 35,000 ft above the ground so better just tame your mouth and get as much blankets as you want, there are pervs in flight most of the time anyway! (eyes rolling front back at the moment) (tryna catch my breath). So the story continues, at four months I have offered Luke solids, yup solids, most people will say but that’s too young, this that whatever, I don’t give a damn anymore you know when you’re a new mum they give you different advices and they just try to confuse you, well, I realised just pretend to listen and say yes and no and that whatever, then do your own thing because you know your baby more than them lot! Imagine him being with you 24/7, anyway, so I gave him solids without restrictions and now I have a happy baby, at five months Luke learnt to roll over front back front and sat without support, milestones! at five months he has been sleeping through the night. At six months he’s crawling, so you know child proofing and all, no big deal mummy is a fast learner, and Luke is eating 3 times a day with dessert (yogurt or custard) and is now singing, of course I won’t forget about teething,Just let him chew anything and everything, i even gave him carrots,bitter gourd, biscuits and all and I can say teething is hit and miss so use your instinct to deal with it, so happy baby = to happy mummy,woohoo!big hug for myself.

6 to forever- feeling jittery– plenty of discoveries along the way yet if many will offer advices I shall do my own thing hehe.. You know that line in toy story TO INFINITY AND BEYOND! yup well that should be your motto in raising a child haha! Looking forward to more milestones to come and more experiences to add up in my motherhood experience, can’t wait to lose and regain my sanity. 🙂 

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My little munky:)

Babymoon and baby blues.

And so at the time my frustrations are over riding my good sense of joy. Will I ever be the same person after having the baby or will it get worst? yes! less than four months to go and can’t wait, then on the other hand I’m scared of something that I really can’t figure out what. Oh well is babymoon similar to honeymoon except that you’re trying to spend quality time with your partner before having the baby. And yes baby blues are here and still invading my sense of being, is that even possible? So yes, my happiness are turned to frustrations and oh! I’m learning to cope with the weirdness of my pregnancy blues. People would hold my bump as if they haven’t seen one, and yes I am FAT! I get these manic statements such as Oh! you are so little I didn’t know you are pregnant and that shirt suits you, don’t you have any loose ones? Or some rough statements such as you are ugly and FAT! I mean I didn’t ask for your opinions and yet you are giving yours. It isn’t welcoming at all. Anyway, So I am going to be an aunt few months after having my own little angel. Why so soon?! Pregnancy has lots of emotional and physical strains. Will I ever recuperate? Will I ever trust my instincts, I’m pretty much confused at the moment, because of the happiness, me having a baby in few months time and becoming an aunt. So I need to keep up with my momentary illusions of Jenson Button or Bradley Cooper, oh my gosh it always makes my blues away.:) What exactly happens when the feeling of excitement is mask by frustrations and never ending mood swings? I started noticing that I was far more impatient and irritable than usual and that I just didn’t feel like my usual self.  These feelings seemed above and beyond the typical changes that happens during pregnancy. I am struggling to keep up with my hobbies, all I want is to eat and sleep, those usual hobbies are very difficult at these stage. Sometimes I even feel my self withdrawing from friends and much more to my other half. And then it came to the point that I like doing things alone, which isn’t really me at all, Before the pregnancy i used to enjoy long walks and spend time with GJ, yet now it’s becoming more and more difficult, I am struggling with certain tasks, I am becoming slower and slower each passing day. I am pretty much about things, how’s the baby doing, how am i going to tame myself or prevent myself from being horrible, normally I am an easy going person and now I am one of the strangest creatures God made, I am becoming a loner and pretty much depressed because of anxiety. I used to get up in the morning, smiling, and excited for the days work, and now getting up is a struggle and before I even start the day i feel discouraged on how the day will be. At some point I needed help, at least an emotional support from a loved one, yet where is the support, except from GJ. I don’t want to use the term depression as it affects my psychological state of mind but the more i get worn out at work the more I feel down.

I guess I need to divert my attention from something that makes me happy such as:

Dancing

Singing (even if you can’t sing, you still can sing your heart out)

Catching up with friends, which may be difficult but will be off help

Be cheerful at work, embrace life as it is.

Eat, cook and sleep as much as you want

Be grumpy whenever then laugh out loud as much as possible.

Blog ’em up (write and share your insights)

And lastly you need to build up a support system from loved ones (i.e partner), friends and colleagues. Professional help will boost your confidence, especially you feel appease that support is just round the corner 🙂