Not getting into the circle

It’s hard. It’s goddamn hard to break into the circle, believe me I tried, it didn’t work, so I gave up and it’s the best decision ever. 

I always have this positive outlook  that after a while I will be mom-dating again, ah well..that failed. The Dutch circle is damn hard to break. If you don’t speak dutch then butt the hell out, well for my experience that is. 

But it makes me happy because I can learn a new hobby, have quiet times, and learn to love what I have and it works. I run and it feels good. I learn new things and that’s great. I don’t have to go through the stress of forcing my way in the mommy’s circle in school. 

I don’t have to prove people anything. I am just happy to get on with my life and that’s about it. It’s hard to communicate to people who assume the worse in you such as ‘she’s not trying hard enough to learn the language look’ with that il respond baby steps darling, baby steps. I cannot run before I can walk can I?. But in reality, if I say Hoi, Hallo, hoe gaat het, I just get a grunt or a look and a look away. Jesus miserable horses whatever is wrong with just responding back, can we not be merry at times? Such miserable crazy people, so I gave up.

I am one of those moms who waits quietly in one corner and say hello even without getting responses, because I don’t need responses. I am just happy to look at these moms having friends and love on my boy.

It’s sad though because if I cannot get in these circle that means no playdates for my boy but it doesn’t matter he seems thriving enough in school and that’s the main thing. 

I just don’t understand how difficult it is, but yeah one step at a time. One day I’m going to learn dutch properly and everything will be a breeze..maybe, just maybe. 


The Three-nager

So we made it through babyhood, terrible two’s and about to graduate with the three-nager stage, it was dreadful, it was tormenting, it was fun. I heard from a friend who survived the trenches like us and has survived to tell the story, the best stages of parenthood is yet to come.
So the tormenting three’s huh.. a combination of a three years old energy and mentality but the attitude of teenagers 😊. 
Our son started of his three-nager stage by having little opinion from the start of it and has overgrown towards the end of it. We thought the behaviour is erratic but the fact of the matter is they merely express their opinions with a dash of irrationality and mixed temperament which they are yet to learn to achieve the perfect concoction. 
I remembered when L turned two a lot, even a bucket loads of information about terrible two’s, even warnings from grannies, mommies and bloggers. But where the hell is the unforeseeable predictions about three’s, it took us by surprise,  no one ever saw the tormenting three’s coming.
At 18 months we hear a surge of words that turns to verbal explosion, and at three’s? It’s not only a surge in length but a surge in why’s and a surge of bossiness.  It’s a surge of tormenting everything. But still the love prevails right?!
Common scene at home:
M: What do you want for breakfast? 
L: Toast with Jam please mommy, I want it cut like a triangle. 
L: hugggggggyyyyyyy,  hugggggggyyyyyyy,  hugggggggyyyyyyy..the shape is not right, uh uh uh, I want water please, uhm I want this I want that
M: (on the verge of shouting) eat now or il take it away.
Dealing with lots of tormenting situations at home made me well proofed for this. Sometimes I ignore the fact that he whines then he’ll eat it anyway, but I am not a perfect parent and I lose my rag sometimes.
I mean my son is very responsible, polite, outspoken (a little too much sometimes) and kind but he has his days too. There are days where he will absolutely cry for everything, have we been such naggy parents that we created a little diva, a little drama king, but hey these too shall pass.
The hardest part is, trying to negotiate  a deal but he would stop listening half way, is it a man thing? I mean selective hearing, my husband sure does that. Or why explaining things they would run, change the topic (he is getting better at it) or just pretend not to listen, but I think they do that selective hearing bit because they learn how to filter which things are beneficial and not beneficial to them. Or sometimes maybe I nag too much and just won’t leave him be. I think I should stop having that bad habit, it’s not healthy.
The best advice I was given by my mother few years ago was that rather than keeping on nagging at them we have to give them a little bit of liberty to decide what they actually want so there is an involvement and connection rather than just barking orders at them. So rather than saying here is your lunch now eat please, I would rather say, Please L what do you want to eat for lunch? We have chicken nuggets and cod fingers. It works out on most days but obviously everyday is different and everyday is interesting.
I made some investigations and found a really cool article from buzz feed. 
1. You live in constant fear of how to cut the shape of their sandwich or toast. Do they want triangles today, rectangles, squares? And when they do tell you, they change their mind right after you cut it.
2. They say things like (with hands firmly placed on hips), “I don’t want to clean up, I want to do what I want to do!”
3. You go through three or more wardrobe changes a day. Please just pick a already!
4. Your child goes boneless the second you remind them that a transition is coming, especially when they are asked to stop playing. By the way, when was this ability given to children? You know, lay limp and double your body weight so mom can’t move you. It’s a talent reminiscent of a possum playing dead…
5. They run away from you when it’s time to get dressed, or leave a play place, or do anything they deem unnecessary. In fact running away from you is their favorite activity.
6. To nap or not to nap, that is the question. A threenager’s answer will always be emphatically “NO!” Unless of course it’s time for school, and they crawl into bed because they’re “tired.”
7. They want three of everything because they are three.
8. At red lights they yell, “Go… GOOO!” Threenagers do not possess patience.
9. Speaking of the car, you have to leave 10 minutes earlier so they can buckle their own car seat by their “OWN SELF!”
10. You realize they’ll be a great trial lawyer one day when they’ve just negotiated their way out of a time-out.
When I saw that post I was laughing so hard in the kitchen that maybe at some point passers by thought I am a lunatic or I completely gone bonkers having to deal with two children, but yeah it’s because I can relate in every single one of them!
So mums we are not alone, take a deep breath, try to see the funny side and if all else fails I find going out is an absolute saviour to get rid of unwanted energy and attitude.

Hardest and most amazing job ever! 

I know I posted few weeks ago that I miss my work. I still do, but the work I’m doing now is way harder than dispensing medication and calculating dosages. The work I am doing now can make or break someone’s future. Sometimes I can’t get enough sleep, or no sleep at all. Sometimes I can only eat 2 meals or sometimes no meal at all. I’m not skint or anything it’s just that I am very busy, the tasks I have to do, the chores I have to finish, on top of that my bosses need me to translate something,  interpret things, respond to constant demands. 

In school I manage to finish my bachelor’s alright, then moved on to my master’s with exceptional colours, going on to work, I have constant invitations for interviews and job prospects, but this I don’t understand, I finished all those hurdles in my life and never caved in, but this job I am doing now I am nearly crawling at the end of the day. It is so difficult that on a Monday I am already wishing and praying for Friday to come quick.

The hardest job is rewarding too. I can work from home and never have to wear my fancy work suit, I can wear my shirt and jeans, teach somebody, encourage somebody and get on with life. There are days when I feel like I am a teacher, teach the children, read books,  paint some pictures and mark their progress. There are days when I am the chef, I fulfill the food requests, teach them to bake, what’s healthy and beneficial for our well being. There are days when I am the driver, take them to places, show them around, teach them about places, anything we see in our surroundings and how much we can help to improve it and what are our responsibilities too. There are days when I am the health care provider, when they are sick, I diagnose and treat, and be the doctor they want me to be, I calculate the dosages and dispense it lovingly to my patients and be the pharmacist they need me be, I then move on to caring for them, fulfilling their needs, checking them round the clock and be the super nurse I have to be. There are days when I am the cleaner, cleaning after their mess, picking up bits and pieces. And much more.

Being a mother doesn’t stop from there, from being someone else, we are someone else all the time, we can be whatever we want may it be a driver, a doctor, a maid, a cook etc. But at the end of the day we are the mother and our role is much complex than what is perceived. We are the jack of all trades, we multi task and we are very adaptable with our working environment, we can work in extremely chaotic, catastrophic and crazy work environment and yet we do it with pride. We can keep calm even under extreme pressure. We have longer patience even with the constant tormenting. We are in command, we are the captain of our own vessels and yet no matter how high we think of ourselves these teeny crazy weenies are our bosses and we take their lead. 

We work more than 100 hrs per week, nothing to minimal wages, Monday to Sunday,  on call every night and no holiday until the foreseeable future. Regardless of all the exhaustion and craziness in the umpteenth time this is the most fulfilling job ever, as we get to see the milestones,  the day to day progress and we get to raise individuals who will learn to share the learnings we teach them.

I can say proudly I am a SUPER Mommy (and I don’t care what others think of that! 🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒

All of us are SUPER  MOMS in our own special ways!😘😘😘😘

Write soon xx


Few days ago I read this article from Daily Mail about stay at home mothers. There’s this “working” mother commenting that SAHM are brainless and lazy. I will not drop the person’s name but having that kind of opinion bothers me. Most SAHM attained certain degrees in Universities but being a stay at home mother is a choice. I can work full time if I wish to but that will be unfair for my child. I didn’t have this baby to be looked after by other people, I didn’t have this baby to be a stranger every time we are together, I want what is best for my child and I feel at this point in time no matter how many job offers I get the choice is to stay with him. I don’t mind being at the bottom of my career ladder because I know once I’m ready to go back I’m going to kick some ass. I admire mother’s who are working because that is a difficult thing to do as well, juggling between work and chores, we know how tired you are and hats off to all of you.

In my opinion, provided you are a good mother staying at home with your child will benefit but staying at home is not for everyone really. Some mothers do not enjoy being with their child/ children 24/7, ideally I would say a couple of days a week in a nursery and the rest with the mother, but I still believe children need their mothers to nurture them.

And people ponder why we now have a generation of children who don’t listen to a thing their parents say and do whatever they want because the parents themselves are strangers to them, and that’s what I’m scared of. Their upbringing is contracted out to a child minder or nursery that also looks after several children. Why would a teenager think they have to do anything someone who has seldom been there for them says? From a young age these children are dropped off before breakfast and picked up after dinner, if they are lucky they get to spend a couple of hours a night and weekends with the people they don’t really know because they spend more hours being looked after by someone else. I don’t understand people who have children to then give them to someone else to raise, surely your children’s upbringing is the most important in the world. Why bother getting pregnant if you have no intention in doing so? A child isn’t just a status or a symbol it needs nurturing and love.

To be fair this government has let the one important unit in the society down, and that is the family unit. I know that some people need to work to manage, but for others, how about cutting down? Some moan that childcare costs swallow their wages and often asks what’s the point of working? I say, why don’t you try to let go and let your job be taken by someone else who needs to be the breadwinner of his or her family – stay at home and raise the children who are your responsibility and not someone else’s. Some mothers whine about stagnating or not being challenged, simple solution: work from home, study, volunteer, chair the playgroup but please put the children first.

* I am not condemning any mothers who opts to be in the workforce I am just sharing my opinion. 🙂


Babymoon and baby blues.

And so at the time my frustrations are over riding my good sense of joy. Will I ever be the same person after having the baby or will it get worst? yes! less than four months to go and can’t wait, then on the other hand I’m scared of something that I really can’t figure out what. Oh well is babymoon similar to honeymoon except that you’re trying to spend quality time with your partner before having the baby. And yes baby blues are here and still invading my sense of being, is that even possible? So yes, my happiness are turned to frustrations and oh! I’m learning to cope with the weirdness of my pregnancy blues. People would hold my bump as if they haven’t seen one, and yes I am FAT! I get these manic statements such as Oh! you are so little I didn’t know you are pregnant and that shirt suits you, don’t you have any loose ones? Or some rough statements such as you are ugly and FAT! I mean I didn’t ask for your opinions and yet you are giving yours. It isn’t welcoming at all. Anyway, So I am going to be an aunt few months after having my own little angel. Why so soon?! Pregnancy has lots of emotional and physical strains. Will I ever recuperate? Will I ever trust my instincts, I’m pretty much confused at the moment, because of the happiness, me having a baby in few months time and becoming an aunt. So I need to keep up with my momentary illusions of Jenson Button or Bradley Cooper, oh my gosh it always makes my blues away.:) What exactly happens when the feeling of excitement is mask by frustrations and never ending mood swings? I started noticing that I was far more impatient and irritable than usual and that I just didn’t feel like my usual self.  These feelings seemed above and beyond the typical changes that happens during pregnancy. I am struggling to keep up with my hobbies, all I want is to eat and sleep, those usual hobbies are very difficult at these stage. Sometimes I even feel my self withdrawing from friends and much more to my other half. And then it came to the point that I like doing things alone, which isn’t really me at all, Before the pregnancy i used to enjoy long walks and spend time with GJ, yet now it’s becoming more and more difficult, I am struggling with certain tasks, I am becoming slower and slower each passing day. I am pretty much about things, how’s the baby doing, how am i going to tame myself or prevent myself from being horrible, normally I am an easy going person and now I am one of the strangest creatures God made, I am becoming a loner and pretty much depressed because of anxiety. I used to get up in the morning, smiling, and excited for the days work, and now getting up is a struggle and before I even start the day i feel discouraged on how the day will be. At some point I needed help, at least an emotional support from a loved one, yet where is the support, except from GJ. I don’t want to use the term depression as it affects my psychological state of mind but the more i get worn out at work the more I feel down.

I guess I need to divert my attention from something that makes me happy such as:


Singing (even if you can’t sing, you still can sing your heart out)

Catching up with friends, which may be difficult but will be off help

Be cheerful at work, embrace life as it is.

Eat, cook and sleep as much as you want

Be grumpy whenever then laugh out loud as much as possible.

Blog ’em up (write and share your insights)

And lastly you need to build up a support system from loved ones (i.e partner), friends and colleagues. Professional help will boost your confidence, especially you feel appease that support is just round the corner 🙂