So long my second home

7 years, the UK has been my second home, 7 years of unforgettable experiences, fantastic friends, amazing and rich culture. 7 years, I was able to build my life, met people who taught me important life lessons,  awesome learnings. 7 years I managed to prove everybody that I can change, adapt to change and be independent and resilient.

Sad to end so soon, but I am now looking forward for whatever the next phase of our lives. New environment, people and culture. Wow! It’s overwhelming and scary, the language barrier, culture shock, the very tall people, and also the below sea level bit, i will be the first to drown when there’s a great flood (a very colourful humour, not! ),the bikes, the tulips, the rain (I’m not sure if il love that, but what the hell). 

I have been revising about the dutch exam, man it’s hard! Half of which is easy to read, but when I start hearing things the guttural G especially, I get goosebumps. My my my, how am I and what am I gonna do. Il be leaving friends, acquaintances and the nature which I love, for a country as flat as a pancake and people as tall as towers. The bikes are plenty more than the citizens of the country I think. But then seeing what the children will have, man it amazes me. The universities are to die for, the school places are plenty which mean we don’t have to go through the whole stress and process we did and experienced here. Our children’s world is just there, waiting for them. 

It is a goddamn massive operation, it is an expensive one, it will be a super stressful (due to moving) and a complete start of whatever we are used to. Tons of papers to sort out, exams, visas, work. Fuck my life! It will be a long, hard, confusing and a lot of emotions sort of one year. My lovely sweet hubs family is there so it won’t be all that bad. I can get support even just via a phone call, we can go out when everything gets a bit too much. My children will see their uncles and aunties and will have a relationship with them, that’s a good thing right? At least family is nearby, that is also my family so I am happy. 

I just wish people won’t be too harsh when I try and speak Dutch and ignore the grammatical errors as I learn it. I have to get used to cycling everywhere (which I love), I can’t wait to make friends and take a different learning path from whatever I am taking here now, I hope settling in won’t be as bad, maybe for the 1st month il be in my own bubble, figuring out what to do until I gain courage and confidence to leave home. It will be an interesting 1st month, lots of trial and error.

 England we will miss you, until we meet again. 

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Hardest and most amazing job ever!Β 

I know I posted few weeks ago that I miss my work. I still do, but the work I’m doing now is way harder than dispensing medication and calculating dosages. The work I am doing now can make or break someone’s future. Sometimes I can’t get enough sleep, or no sleep at all. Sometimes I can only eat 2 meals or sometimes no meal at all. I’m not skint or anything it’s just that I am very busy, the tasks I have to do, the chores I have to finish, on top of that my bosses need me to translate something,  interpret things, respond to constant demands. 

In school I manage to finish my bachelor’s alright, then moved on to my master’s with exceptional colours, going on to work, I have constant invitations for interviews and job prospects, but this I don’t understand, I finished all those hurdles in my life and never caved in, but this job I am doing now I am nearly crawling at the end of the day. It is so difficult that on a Monday I am already wishing and praying for Friday to come quick.

The hardest job is rewarding too. I can work from home and never have to wear my fancy work suit, I can wear my shirt and jeans, teach somebody, encourage somebody and get on with life. There are days when I feel like I am a teacher, teach the children, read books,  paint some pictures and mark their progress. There are days when I am the chef, I fulfill the food requests, teach them to bake, what’s healthy and beneficial for our well being. There are days when I am the driver, take them to places, show them around, teach them about places, anything we see in our surroundings and how much we can help to improve it and what are our responsibilities too. There are days when I am the health care provider, when they are sick, I diagnose and treat, and be the doctor they want me to be, I calculate the dosages and dispense it lovingly to my patients and be the pharmacist they need me be, I then move on to caring for them, fulfilling their needs, checking them round the clock and be the super nurse I have to be. There are days when I am the cleaner, cleaning after their mess, picking up bits and pieces. And much more.

Being a mother doesn’t stop from there, from being someone else, we are someone else all the time, we can be whatever we want may it be a driver, a doctor, a maid, a cook etc. But at the end of the day we are the mother and our role is much complex than what is perceived. We are the jack of all trades, we multi task and we are very adaptable with our working environment, we can work in extremely chaotic, catastrophic and crazy work environment and yet we do it with pride. We can keep calm even under extreme pressure. We have longer patience even with the constant tormenting. We are in command, we are the captain of our own vessels and yet no matter how high we think of ourselves these teeny crazy weenies are our bosses and we take their lead. 

We work more than 100 hrs per week, nothing to minimal wages, Monday to Sunday,  on call every night and no holiday until the foreseeable future. Regardless of all the exhaustion and craziness in the umpteenth time this is the most fulfilling job ever, as we get to see the milestones,  the day to day progress and we get to raise individuals who will learn to share the learnings we teach them.

I can say proudly I am a SUPER Mommy (and I don’t care what others think of that! πŸ–’πŸ–’πŸ–’πŸ–’πŸ–’

All of us are SUPER  MOMS in our own special ways!😘😘😘😘

Write soon xx

Panic Buyer

What’s the difference when shopping pre babies and shopping post babies? Good question, pre babies I like doing it, I find it relaxing having some me time, smelling some scented candles that you won’t bother to buy, going from aisle to aisle, relaxed. Post babies (toddler and a baby),I panic buy, every single time! I just want to get the hell out of the shop before one of the children explodes.

I dread it when I am booked for an appointment, or run an errand may it be to the shops or post office, the dreadful part is? Getting and waiting in the queue. Queues makes my life goddamn miserable, every single time! It’s a tried and tested way to work out how short your fuse is. It is dreadful because at this point the children will reach their melting point, which both the child and excuses (solid and liquid, excuses are liquid because it depends if you can sway them with the fluidity of the excuse or otherwise) exist in equilibrium. The higher the purity of your excuse the smaller the range for a melting point, such as finding a buffer to equalise the already imminent meltdown. Gosh meltdowns are dreadful especially when it happens around strangers, all eyes on you smirking or taking pity on you, adding up to the already escalating stress levels. 

There are days when I take them to the shop and they decide to behave provided you buy what they put in the basket or trolley (for L that is). They choose things you don’t even want to buy then you forget what you were intending to get. Anyway, shopping is so much stressful around children,  the shouting (aaaaaarrrhhh), they lie down on the floor (when they want something and you won’t allow it), they cry  (for everything), then the endless why’s  (for god knows the question) that makes your head explode. I was always good in sticking with the budget and shopping list, but now I panic, and I panic buy, let’s say in my list it says 1x  organic carrots any first bag of carrots I see I buy x 2. That is so me panic buying,  so now I learned my lesson I go shopping every Friday evening or Saturday morning once a week, alone and leave daddy to deal with the children and to save me from breaking the bank.

On some days I deliberately take L and let him decide which veg  or fruits he wants to eat, hand him his pretend credit card (a garden centre club card), let him pretend pay for it and that gives him an idea how everything works and sure when he gets home he is so keen to eat what he’s chosen. It works every time. 

Shopping shouldn’t be stressful but a baby and a toddler is a very bad combination you can take one or the other not both, it’s going to be a catastrophe. As soon as you get distracted by the baby’s crying before you know it the basket is filled with crap! And you are just doomed, because whatever is in there, they know when you take it out.

I tried different strategies when taking them shopping but this one is the winner, I make sure baby is sleeping (soundly) and the toddler, I let him choose whichever treat he wants (only one!) and he is only allowed to open or eat it with the following conditions, if he is well behaved until we finish shopping and if he eats and finishes his main meals for the day, then he not only behaves for the whole shopping duration but for the rest of the day, hahaha! Talking about being smart ha!

Anyway, shopping alone without the children feels like a holiday, quiet, chill and I can take my time (a little bit).  But now and again I don’t mind having somebody, rolling on the floor, makes the experience a little bit interesting.

Write soon 😘😘😘😘😘

One good day coming up.

I woke up feeling great today, unlike the past few days have been lazy days is this a sign of danger coming up? I hope not. Anyway, it’s good to wake up next to my favorite man..GJ and listened to U2 It’s a beautiful day, what a superb serenade that is.

Our window view is amongst the greatest view, I love having breakfast by the window these days and all you can see is the serene view of Box Hill, Clear blue skies, leaf dancing wind, children with their mom’s rushing to the churchyard (which is actually a nursery in the morning). Most people wouldn’t even appreciate that and would see something less than beautiful.

I hardly appreciate things outside especially during gloomy days but now I just realized it’s all about our perspectives. I am happy to wake up from a dream that had me facing my own inner dark night. It focused on a new venture in which I am engaged that a person who has since left years ago (and in my dreams, often forgets that and requires my reminders) attempted to bully me out of my joy around it and take it over, expressing that I wasn’t capable or competent to succeed or even so wouldn’t have the capability to see love in a different way. No way was I about to allow him to do so, and in my dream, I engaged a friend who is a dynamic ally, to assist me in taking my own power back. I felt confused at first, thinking that events were occuring years ago and then remembered who I was, where and when I was and what I was capable of achieving. I recognized that sometimes in life, he gave voice to my own active inner critic, sometimes makes an unwelcome appearance with those same messages. To be fair, there were times that he was an ardent cheerleader and likely now is on the celestial squad, whistling and clapping at my recent accomplishments. In the dream, I stood up to him/me, since I have heard over and over that each part of a dream is an aspect of the dreamer. As I stood my ground, I felt taller somehow, more in possession of my own place in the world, refusing to give up, as I would have in the face of disagreement in the past.

The dream left me wondering how deeply buried and insidious our self doubts can be. Do we surrender to them and let them wash over us, sweeping us away with the tide? Do we keep on swimming for shore, trusting that we can rest in between the waves and perhaps even ride them until the sands welcome us as we take respite? What visions do you have for yourself that your own inner bully attempts to confiscate? How can you awaken to the light of a beautiful new day?

Since I’ve been over indulged in my past nightmares, at the moment I am happy to be surrounded by great friends, and a great man in my life. Those vivid views of my past are haunting me just because I allow them to come and influence me back again, to what? pull me down and keep me pre-occupied my my past failures and to stumble on my own weakness? I would never allow that to happen as my life has been evolving and improving.

I’ve learnt that my weaknesses can be a source of my strengths too. If he pulled me down in the past I cannot allow him to do so this time as I have learned to embrace my life and I don’t care what other people think or whatever they have to say anymore.

The contemplations are far harsh than the past one’s but having this moment in my life and somewhat freedom to think and re-think of what lies ahead is far more having your own private space, people can change as they said but I am not sure if I can embrace to that concept ever again. I’ve learnt to hate people who caused my self destruction in the past, best thing to do is to avoid negative influences in your life.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another”

– Napoleon HillImage