The Three-nager

So we made it through babyhood, terrible two’s and about to graduate with the three-nager stage, it was dreadful, it was tormenting, it was fun. I heard from a friend who survived the trenches like us and has survived to tell the story, the best stages of parenthood is yet to come.
So the tormenting three’s huh.. a combination of a three years old energy and mentality but the attitude of teenagers ๐Ÿ˜Š. 
Our son started of his three-nager stage by having little opinion from the start of it and has overgrown towards the end of it. We thought the behaviour is erratic but the fact of the matter is they merely express their opinions with a dash of irrationality and mixed temperament which they are yet to learn to achieve the perfect concoction. 
I remembered when L turned two a lot, even a bucket loads of information about terrible two’s, even warnings from grannies, mommies and bloggers. But where the hell is the unforeseeable predictions about three’s, it took us by surprise,  no one ever saw the tormenting three’s coming.
At 18 months we hear a surge of words that turns to verbal explosion, and at three’s? It’s not only a surge in length but a surge in why’s and a surge of bossiness.  It’s a surge of tormenting everything. But still the love prevails right?!
Common scene at home:
M: What do you want for breakfast? 
L: Toast with Jam please mommy, I want it cut like a triangle. 
M: WHY ARE YOU NOT EATING?!
L: hugggggggyyyyyyy,  hugggggggyyyyyyy,  hugggggggyyyyyyy..the shape is not right, uh uh uh, I want water please, uhm I want this I want that
M: (on the verge of shouting) eat now or il take it away.
Dealing with lots of tormenting situations at home made me well proofed for this. Sometimes I ignore the fact that he whines then he’ll eat it anyway, but I am not a perfect parent and I lose my rag sometimes.
I mean my son is very responsible, polite, outspoken (a little too much sometimes) and kind but he has his days too. There are days where he will absolutely cry for everything, have we been such naggy parents that we created a little diva, a little drama king, but hey these too shall pass.
The hardest part is, trying to negotiate  a deal but he would stop listening half way, is it a man thing? I mean selective hearing, my husband sure does that. Or why explaining things they would run, change the topic (he is getting better at it) or just pretend not to listen, but I think they do that selective hearing bit because they learn how to filter which things are beneficial and not beneficial to them. Or sometimes maybe I nag too much and just won’t leave him be. I think I should stop having that bad habit, it’s not healthy.
The best advice I was given by my mother few years ago was that rather than keeping on nagging at them we have to give them a little bit of liberty to decide what they actually want so there is an involvement and connection rather than just barking orders at them. So rather than saying here is your lunch now eat please, I would rather say, Please L what do you want to eat for lunch? We have chicken nuggets and cod fingers. It works out on most days but obviously everyday is different and everyday is interesting.
I made some investigations and found a really cool article from buzz feed. 
1. You live in constant fear of how to cut the shape of their sandwich or toast. Do they want triangles today, rectangles, squares? And when they do tell you, they change their mind right after you cut it.
2. They say things like (with hands firmly placed on hips), โ€œI donโ€™t want to clean up, I want to do what I want to do!โ€
3. You go through three or more wardrobe changes a day. Please just pick a already!
4. Your child goes boneless the second you remind them that a transition is coming, especially when they are asked to stop playing. By the way, when was this ability given to children? You know, lay limp and double your body weight so mom canโ€™t move you. Itโ€™s a talent reminiscent of a possum playing deadโ€ฆ
5. They run away from you when itโ€™s time to get dressed, or leave a play place, or do anything they deem unnecessary. In fact running away from you is their favorite activity.
6. To nap or not to nap, that is the question. A threenagerโ€™s answer will always be emphatically โ€œNO!โ€ Unless of course itโ€™s time for school, and they crawl into bed because theyโ€™re โ€œtired.โ€
7. They want three of everything because they are three.
8. At red lights they yell, โ€œGoโ€ฆ GOOO!โ€ Threenagers do not possess patience.
9. Speaking of the car, you have to leave 10 minutes earlier so they can buckle their own car seat by their โ€œOWN SELF!โ€
10. You realize theyโ€™ll be a great trial lawyer one day when theyโ€™ve just negotiated their way out of a time-out.
When I saw that post I was laughing so hard in the kitchen that maybe at some point passers by thought I am a lunatic or I completely gone bonkers having to deal with two children, but yeah it’s because I can relate in every single one of them!
So mums we are not alone, take a deep breath, try to see the funny side and if all else fails I find going out is an absolute saviour to get rid of unwanted energy and attitude.

Lost and Found

Every parents greatest fear…losing our children!

So it’s holiday time, we were excited going abroad, seeing family’s,  friends and just the little time off from the routines and hustle and bustle of life.

We started nicely, we had a crazy nagging mood swings angry kinda morning were we almost killed each other before even making it at the airport. I never thought holidays can be such pain in the posterior, you know getting ready, preparing the children, the car, the army of bags and so on. When we made it out of the house it was pure JOY! 

We had a rip off lunch at the airport, it wasn’t that bad to classify as bad, it was mediocre but that’ll do..I’m not complaining but goddamn thing, ยฃ20 for 3 sausage rolls jesus almighty lord what just happened. Anyway we calmed ourselves down to the little airport soft play in Gatwick airport, it was rather cozy and the little ones were happy having little things to do.

So on with the flight, the aircraft was f*cking hot and so is my little girl’s head, she’s reached her limits and was really exploding into the most explosive tantrum we’ve seen yet! So yeah everybody’s looking like why the heck can they not tame their child kinda look, so I was trying to be cool calm and collected until the man in front started giving me dirty looks, so I looked back and mouthed fuck off! This is a 7 month old baby, first time in the airplane, overtired, overheating,hungry and her ears are popping, can you not give a child some slack ?! What happened to compassion and empathy.

So we got in Schiphol intact and didn’t make friends whatsoever, I must say the Dutch likes their queues,  massive queue here and there and grumpy tall Dutch people everywhere. Does it really hurt to smile when your working at the airport?! Anyway oh the joy we felt after passport control until we had the scariest experience ever, losing our child in the sea of people in baggage claim and customs! 

15 fucking minutes he was gone, 15 fucking minutes! Those were the longest 15 minutes ever! Won’t go into details how we lost our precious child (because it will open up new comments and topics on how Irresponsible we are!), anyway he was picked up by a lady from the KLM, and upon hearing them speak Dutch he proudly said I am (his name), I speak Dutch and I speak English,  I lost my mommy and daddy, can you please call my mommy her number is in my coat! Once we found him I couldn’t stop crying and it just came into reality the worst nightmare a parent can experience! But I am super proud of him for remembering all the things we taught him, all the while we thought he wasn’t even paying attention, this just shows that he really is and he took the situation calmly and he thought of every single thing to say so he can be reunited with us! Super proud but nerve wracking moment.

So now we got him a buddy tag, so my phone alarm sounds when he goes further than the safety net. So that gives us peace of mind!

FYI.  We are not Irresponsible we try our best to be there for them all the time.

Lessons

I am not the most perfect person in the world, I don’t get along well with some people, maybe my problem or they have a problem with me, I don’t know. Maybe we just don’t have common grounds, maybe I am not a desirable company. Maybe they don’t like me for being me.

I tried reconnecting, I tried doing everything I can to have even a teeny bit of a relationship but it doesn’t work to all of them, it hurts me, it hurts everytime because we are suppose to be one household but apparently I am an outcast.

As I’ve said I never tried fitting in, but it feels like I don’t fit in it anymore,  I don’t feel like I belong in it. I know I did a lot of mistakes in the past but jeopardising somebody who wanted to reconnect or fit in baffles me. Why some people are so selfish and finds it hard to forgive is beyond me. I don’t know anymore, do I have to apologise over and over or keep on reaching out? You see, that’s not my forte, I reach out and I get tired to just keep on repeating it like a stupid record playing over and over eventhough there are new genres to listen to, there are better options.

I mean we make mistakes, we learn from them, we graze ourselves along the way then it heals and the scar is there for you to look at, but the thing is, that scar will be a reminder that we were once weak and that we learned from it and come back stronger. Over time, I never expected to be talked to, I never expected to be that friend or be that sister because it is just so disrespectful that whilst trying to be the best person I can be, I get ignored at, or I never get any response, it pains me every time, I stopped trying eventually, and i will stop reaching out thereafter. I know there’s such a thing as time heals everything. But what does it do? Does it just keep the bitterness in our hearts? Does it change us? Does it make us a better person? Do we become more rational about our reasons?(so we can let go).

Time. Like what Thomas Edison said,  “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time”. How am I going to understand more when they only want to understand less? How can one see the improvements one makes if they only sees you as a failure?Or instead of seeing the good they see lots of flaws,  If they only want to indulge on their point of views? Life is not fair, it never is and never will.

Since moving abroad,  I learned a lot, I learned to be more independent and to explore the world around me, I just don’t care anymore. I stopped caring altogether, because at the end of the day in this free world everybody is entitled on their own opinions, but the thing is if we let their opinion get into us,  it will just eat us inside, we will just be stuck in a rut again until we learn to let go of it.

Change is the only constant in this life, I remember in one of President Obama’s speech, he said “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek”. And yet people doesn’t like change eventhough it’s for the betterment of one’s self.

No matter how grounded you are somebody will criticise and disrespect you, respect is such a thing that some people miss, they are too busy criticising others, there is nothing wrong with criticism as long as you don’t step on that fucking line just so you can be ahead of yourself. 

Sometimes people are easy to judge and disrespect others without seeing their own reflections. It upsets me because they appear to be so opinionated and perfect yet they don’t see their own flaws, other people may be so busy formulating a strategy to settle everything and make ends meet and yet the other is busy putting a target on the other person’s back. Sometimes I think we live in a sick world. Sometimes I think for most people everything is a competition, may it be for greatness, attention, money or just power. Hey we only live once why don’t we try to reach out for the estranged or maybe we need to stop being so narcissistic and loosen up a bit. 

I think I have improved myself and became a better person, some people may refuse to talk to me, we may not share the same ideals, we may not read the same books, we may disagree on things, but let me remind you it is still me, I am still me and embrace my flaws, because it brings out the best in me.

Write soon ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

Panic Buyer

What’s the difference when shopping pre babies and shopping post babies? Good question, pre babies I like doing it, I find it relaxing having some me time, smelling some scented candles that you won’t bother to buy, going from aisle to aisle, relaxed. Post babies (toddler and a baby),I panic buy, every single time! I just want to get the hell out of the shop before one of the children explodes.

I dread it when I am booked for an appointment, or run an errand may it be to the shops or post office, the dreadful part is? Getting and waiting in the queue. Queues makes my life goddamn miserable, every single time! It’s a tried and tested way to work out how short your fuse is. It is dreadful because at this point the children will reach their melting point, which both the child and excuses (solid and liquid, excuses are liquid because it depends if you can sway them with the fluidity of the excuse or otherwise) exist in equilibrium. The higher the purity of your excuse the smaller the range for a melting point, such as finding a buffer to equalise the already imminent meltdown. Gosh meltdowns are dreadful especially when it happens around strangers, all eyes on you smirking or taking pity on you, adding up to the already escalating stress levels. 

There are days when I take them to the shop and they decide to behave provided you buy what they put in the basket or trolley (for L that is). They choose things you don’t even want to buy then you forget what you were intending to get. Anyway, shopping is so much stressful around children,  the shouting (aaaaaarrrhhh), they lie down on the floor (when they want something and you won’t allow it), they cry  (for everything), then the endless why’s  (for god knows the question) that makes your head explode. I was always good in sticking with the budget and shopping list, but now I panic, and I panic buy, let’s say in my list it says 1x  organic carrots any first bag of carrots I see I buy x 2. That is so me panic buying,  so now I learned my lesson I go shopping every Friday evening or Saturday morning once a week, alone and leave daddy to deal with the children and to save me from breaking the bank.

On some days I deliberately take L and let him decide which veg  or fruits he wants to eat, hand him his pretend credit card (a garden centre club card), let him pretend pay for it and that gives him an idea how everything works and sure when he gets home he is so keen to eat what he’s chosen. It works every time. 

Shopping shouldn’t be stressful but a baby and a toddler is a very bad combination you can take one or the other not both, it’s going to be a catastrophe. As soon as you get distracted by the baby’s crying before you know it the basket is filled with crap! And you are just doomed, because whatever is in there, they know when you take it out.

I tried different strategies when taking them shopping but this one is the winner, I make sure baby is sleeping (soundly) and the toddler, I let him choose whichever treat he wants (only one!) and he is only allowed to open or eat it with the following conditions, if he is well behaved until we finish shopping and if he eats and finishes his main meals for the day, then he not only behaves for the whole shopping duration but for the rest of the day, hahaha! Talking about being smart ha!

Anyway, shopping alone without the children feels like a holiday, quiet, chill and I can take my time (a little bit).  But now and again I don’t mind having somebody, rolling on the floor, makes the experience a little bit interesting.

Write soon ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

The hyper hygienic neighbour

It’s gardening time, most of us will think what seeds, bulbs or plants to grow. What attracts wildlife, flies, bugs, butterflies, bees etc. We are good like that we try to encourage our children to get involved in the garden, L having his own plot, mommy is in charge with the flowers and dad for the veggies. But whilst we are enjoying our little garden, our neighbour is ultra mad. She removed most natural in her garden changing her turf to artificial. ย Poor living organisms, how will they survive. I remember one time G’s mom got us a little bird feeder, we put it up by the fence and put some seeds in it, she told me off for doing so, why? Because she doesn’t like the birds. I planted lots of flowers to encourage the bees and butterflies to roam freely in the garden, she told me off, because she said bees are annoying. I mean we have the moral responsibility to teach our children to love nature not to hate it. We have the moral responsibility to at least care for our environment not trash it with artificial sh*t.

This time I don’t give a damn anymore, I bought sh*t loads of bulbs, flower seeds and plants for the bedding to encourage more flies, insects and all in the garden. I am determined to piss her off. I just wish the birds will see that they are welcome in our garden and after having dinner at ours may the poop be at hers.

It is super important for us that our children will learn on how to care and look after our environment so they can pass it on to their children, we want them to love it and enjoy it. We encourage digging, muck and dirt. We don’t want hyper clean children, who are restricted in doing things, or who are crazy about keeping clean. Children are meant to be sticky, mucky and disgusting. They are meant to explore not to be restricted indoors.

This spring we will do quite a bit of project with the children:

1. We will build a sandpit with some special features in it.

2. We will build our own bug hotel from forest twigs and wood.

3. We will plant more flowers for the butterflies and bees.

4. We will plant more varieties of veggies.

5. We will clone some of our successful crops.

I just hope the lady next door doesn’t get too upset but hey that’s life, you cannot have it all ๐Ÿ˜Š

Write soon ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

My Daredevils

Crazy as it sounds, I’m raising Daredevils.

My son, at age 2 has been going down the highest slopes in the skate park with his balance bike. Balance bike! He’s meant to be learning to cycle with it not jumping off or doing some exhibitions in the slopes.  Oh my heart, the first time he did it I was so scared I thought I would be needing my own oxygen tank.

Then he met a teenager in the same skate park weeks later and that boy let him use his penny board.. my son didn’t hesitate, he prowled in an instant,without skipping a heartbeat.oh my boy! He’s growing up too fast, way fast!

Farm parks are great, not only they burn the kids energy, it feeds the imagination,it encourages to become a super boy, with a super power, with unlimited energy, to test the limits, break rules and screaming fits. My gosh! He is only three and loves exploring the older children’s play areas, such as the really high slides, the death slides, the fast slides, and the vertical drops. My heart skips a bit or two every time!

He doesn’t fear anything! He is not worried if he grazes his knees or gets some bruising. If he has to, he will engage and explore, that’s what I like about experiences rather than toys,  with experiences we create memories with toys we teach them, we enjoy then after awhile they’re forgotten, because they’re fed up of playing with them. Memories will be with them forever, we take pictures, we bond and we communicate. Somehow we have this motto these days,” less toys the better”.

Our children’s learning curve are amazing, our sweet face girl recently discovered she can do 360 degrees regardless of being on her tummy or back. She has this perseverance and urge to explore. Very very strong willed like her brother. With our son as long as it doesn’t involve anything with spooky things he is willing to try. In fact in one of our walks he mentioned to his dad that he is bored at home because he’s been missing the fun and he’s not learning anything new, I guess that’s true, but I kept him at home not because he deserves isolation but because they had chickenpox. I suppose there’s no reasoning with a three-nager huh. It’s either your fault or his way.

Our little sweet pea tried the swings she didn’t look amuse but she likes the idea of being in there, she cried a bit then forgot about it. She tried the baby zip wire too just a really slow one, a baby slide,  the soft play..she enjoyed every bits of it. I’m glad she did, she was slightly overwhelmed but of course she’s only 5 months and everything is a bit of a shock, lots of colours, shapes, textures and patterns to see and feel.

These memories we are creating will be remembered until they become adults, the toys will only be there as long as they need it then will be forgotten.

Cheer up, the sun is shining, it’s a brand new day..to love and explore

Write soon ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

Moana and chicken pox

So I guess we achieved another milestone, currently we are experiencing the wrath of chicken pox with the help of Moana. Yes! Moana is helping me to settle the grumpy children. Oh lordy! ย Another day, another phase, another sleepless night.

How am I gonna survive this ordeal, is beyond me. But to take it one step at a time, crawling, rolling and walking really slowly..God I’m tired but what to do but to pick up myself and carry on. My patience is slowly wearing out, please I need to borrow more patience, I really do.

At least Moana is cheering my boy up and he’s singing away ‘you’re welcome’.

But oh boy, he’s tormenting me with mom this, mom that, mooooooooooooommmmm.. oh gosh! Little things mom, mom, mom I guess he was right when he said my real name is mom mom mom mom mom not AJ. Children, honestly you can’t and can live with them.

I can’t say I hate my life right now I sort of do and don’t but hey that’s life you gotta deal with it I suppose but the sleepless nights are getting on my nerves and I’m goddamn tired seriously I’m dying with a really slow death. But but buuuuuuut, at the end of the day when Lukie says mom you are awesome or sometimes he imitates the scene in Moana and he says mommy, mommy, mommy ย (whispering behind me, in my ear) you’re amaaaazzing.. makes me really laugh and wants to hug him even more and no matter how tired I am I just really forget it..it makes me really happy.

Oh this love and hate relationship makes my life beautiful and interesting.

Write soon ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜