Lost and Found

Every parents greatest fear…losing our children!

So it’s holiday time, we were excited going abroad, seeing family’s,  friends and just the little time off from the routines and hustle and bustle of life.

We started nicely, we had a crazy nagging mood swings angry kinda morning were we almost killed each other before even making it at the airport. I never thought holidays can be such pain in the posterior, you know getting ready, preparing the children, the car, the army of bags and so on. When we made it out of the house it was pure JOY! 

We had a rip off lunch at the airport, it wasn’t that bad to classify as bad, it was mediocre but that’ll do..I’m not complaining but goddamn thing, £20 for 3 sausage rolls jesus almighty lord what just happened. Anyway we calmed ourselves down to the little airport soft play in Gatwick airport, it was rather cozy and the little ones were happy having little things to do.

So on with the flight, the aircraft was f*cking hot and so is my little girl’s head, she’s reached her limits and was really exploding into the most explosive tantrum we’ve seen yet! So yeah everybody’s looking like why the heck can they not tame their child kinda look, so I was trying to be cool calm and collected until the man in front started giving me dirty looks, so I looked back and mouthed fuck off! This is a 7 month old baby, first time in the airplane, overtired, overheating,hungry and her ears are popping, can you not give a child some slack ?! What happened to compassion and empathy.

So we got in Schiphol intact and didn’t make friends whatsoever, I must say the Dutch likes their queues,  massive queue here and there and grumpy tall Dutch people everywhere. Does it really hurt to smile when your working at the airport?! Anyway oh the joy we felt after passport control until we had the scariest experience ever, losing our child in the sea of people in baggage claim and customs! 

15 fucking minutes he was gone, 15 fucking minutes! Those were the longest 15 minutes ever! Won’t go into details how we lost our precious child (because it will open up new comments and topics on how Irresponsible we are!), anyway he was picked up by a lady from the KLM, and upon hearing them speak Dutch he proudly said I am (his name), I speak Dutch and I speak English,  I lost my mommy and daddy, can you please call my mommy her number is in my coat! Once we found him I couldn’t stop crying and it just came into reality the worst nightmare a parent can experience! But I am super proud of him for remembering all the things we taught him, all the while we thought he wasn’t even paying attention, this just shows that he really is and he took the situation calmly and he thought of every single thing to say so he can be reunited with us! Super proud but nerve wracking moment.

So now we got him a buddy tag, so my phone alarm sounds when he goes further than the safety net. So that gives us peace of mind!

FYI.  We are not Irresponsible we try our best to be there for them all the time.

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Always ex-KAI-ted to see him

In my previous post I told you briefly about my other baby Kai. He is the most beautiful boy and he has a special place in our family. Mind you I’m super in love with this boy, super duper!

Kai has NKH (non ketotic hyperglycinemia), it is extremely rare and only affects 1 child in every 60,000 born. Nkh is caused by a defect in the genetic code machinery, so in short children with this disorder cannot break down the amino acid glycine. As we were taught in our science class in school amino acids are natural components of our baby. So since glycine is not broken down it then accumulates in the body,and glycine is a super important molecule in the brain  where it has various functions such as transmitting signals from one cell to another (brain cell). So since there is a build up of glycine, it disrupts the function of the brain.

Kai is a very special boy, he is very handsome, cheeky (as he takes his socks all the time), he makes those very cute noises that makes you say aah how adorable he is, he has the most ridiculous cheeks they are so cute if only I can bite and squeeze them! (I’m sorry Kai, I can’t help it), he has the most beautiful smile ever, his smile is heart melting.

If you have a spare change, if you can donate just a small amount,  if you can fundraise,  every little thing helps. So what if you don’t know them, so what if you haven’t met them, we can help and we can make a difference. It’s not a waste of help, it goes somewhere and that money we raise and donate goes to funding a cure for nkh.

These beautiful children deserves a bright future, and their future is in the horizon. Please donate and help us raise money to find a cure, think how beautiful Kai is and think the life he deserves, nobody deserves nkh, nobody deserves to suffer, not Kai, not anybody else.

http://www.teammikaere.com
http://fundnkhcure.com

Loving our friends

Yesterday we met up with friends, it was lovely and although we wanted to stay some more it was nearing the kids witching hours,  so we thought we’ll save some stories for next time.

We love seeing our friends, how we miss our friend Larry and we just want to make sure everything is okay with him. He’s been our friend for a long long time but we’ve been super busy with our lives that we haven’t seen each other for nearly a year. So yesterday was a good day, the children enjoyed his company and we had lunch together and it felt like the old times.

Then after lunch we met up with our friends and their beautiful baby boy, his name is Kai and I tell you he is the most handsome boy you’ll ever meet, with those beautiful blue eyes. Ah! I can’t stop looking and loving him, how adorable he is and I got to cuddle him!(super proud!). 

Our children loves them so much especially their brother from another mommy. It’s amazing how fast they grow up, it’s amazing how beautiful they are. It was my first time properly meeting Elly and Sam but oh my goodness they are very kind, loving and warm people. I know I’ve been such a crazy stalker, you know stalking about their lives (because i fell in love with Kai) but I admire these guys so much, with all the things they went and going through, they have lots of positivity in their lives amidst all the challenges they are facing.

If you guys can help, spare a few dollars, or pounds or whatever is your currency, you know every little thing helps, please help us raise money to fund research for nkh (non ketotic hyperglycinemia), please help us find a cure for every child who has this disorder. These children are precious. These children are fighters. These children deserves a better future. These children deserves a cure.

Here is the link for their story so you guys can see how beautiful Kai is, trust me you’ll fall in love with him too:

http://www.teammikaere.com/

To the friend I thought I had

This won’t be walking down memory lane, this won’t be easy as I loved you like a family. But things change, everything moves on, we make mistakes and grow from them…and it seems you are stuck in the same person you are way way back time. 

We don’t share the same banters, we don’t share the same sense of humour anymore, I don’t take your criticisms as well as I should have, like we were still teenagers going to young adults, I have grown and I outdid you in that aspect. You may be stuck in your bubble holding your grasp tightly to a friendship we once had, we thought we manage to fuck-proof our friendship, but overtime I don’t think I still know you. We both moved on.

We walked different lanes, we chose different fields, along the way we may have met in one or two cross roads but just like other people we moved on and found ourselves in an awkward position. We were completely different people, like perfect strangers trying to find similarities, but as we try to rejuvenate whatever is left in our friendship we found ourselves finding more differences and becoming more distant as ever.

Fast forward a husband, and two children later. I am in a better position, I have the best man and he is my best friend too. But everytime we try to ride our old raft and try to be friends we end up sinking in the bottom, that’s because we failed to realise that we have different priorities, we moulded ourselves to become different people, and with each new set of priorities the new person standing in front is not the same fuck proofed person we thought we had.

I was offended with your constructive criticisms, from calling my children names, and for criticising our parenting style. You see, when you have children everything changes, it becomes difficult, you actually grow rather than stuck in that stupid bubble you are in. How dare you criticise me and my family when you are not perfect yourself, how dare you tell me things when you have not a single clue of what is going on with my life, how dare you be in my life! 

I tried putting up with your merry jolly antics all these years, but man you stepped a little too far whatever your tiny brain can reach. How dare you be in my life just please get the hell out, I’m not going to name shame you because that is wrong,but you know who you are and you fucked me up so badly.

Our Brexit

Yes! We are having our own Brexit and we want it in style. Let the Land of bicycles and tulips welcome us with open arms. Everything is just falling into place at the right time and in the right place. We are delighted about the outcomes of our decision, of course I still hang out with my friends here, the so called “round the block gang”, surely I will miss my girls and the kids whom I love so dearly.  Sometimes when we get to talking the cold feet comes back, how convenient it is to just speak the language and be myself. Sometimes I think it’s the change that I am worried about. 

Brexit is not all that bad, our only way now is to move forwards and look forward whatever is waiting on the other side of the pond. You know, The UK has been my home for several years and it wasn’t all that bad, except for the occasional ” chinese” taunt which I admit is not that bad, but I must say not all Asians are Chinese. And the ” what kind of 3rd world pharmacy school have you been” il have you know my school is not so bad, and yes! I had my Master’s in one of the universities here so I wasn’t sure which 3rd world pharmacy school are they pertaining about, but despite the odd remarks, I kept calm and carried on. 

There are lots of things I love about the country, the beautiful nature, the adventure farms, the museums, parks, the beautiful people and the list goes on. The young people hanging out and sharing cheerful stories,  makes me realise that The  UK indeed has a future, these younger generation all looking so innocent now will become the future of whatever is left in The United Kingdom. 

Every day is another day closer with our Brexit, it makes me realise how much I’ve fallen in love with the country, how much il miss the walks we do every weekend, how much we’ll miss playing with the children in the neighbourhood. But as I’ve said in the previous post, I think I’m just scared of all the changes that will happen, emotionally and socially.  

Whenever I think about the tall people, the bicycles, the language, I get a bit stressed out and panic. Deep inside I want everything to be perfect but I just can’t get my head around it yet but I’m getting used to the idea of having our family home few steps closer, more than ever. 

Despite the political issues, the animosity and all. I still think The United Kingdom is a beautiful country and will always have a special place in my heart, it taught me a lot of things and develop my personality as I am now.

#iloveUK

So long my second home

7 years, the UK has been my second home, 7 years of unforgettable experiences, fantastic friends, amazing and rich culture. 7 years, I was able to build my life, met people who taught me important life lessons,  awesome learnings. 7 years I managed to prove everybody that I can change, adapt to change and be independent and resilient.

Sad to end so soon, but I am now looking forward for whatever the next phase of our lives. New environment, people and culture. Wow! It’s overwhelming and scary, the language barrier, culture shock, the very tall people, and also the below sea level bit, i will be the first to drown when there’s a great flood (a very colourful humour, not! ),the bikes, the tulips, the rain (I’m not sure if il love that, but what the hell). 

I have been revising about the dutch exam, man it’s hard! Half of which is easy to read, but when I start hearing things the guttural G especially, I get goosebumps. My my my, how am I and what am I gonna do. Il be leaving friends, acquaintances and the nature which I love, for a country as flat as a pancake and people as tall as towers. The bikes are plenty more than the citizens of the country I think. But then seeing what the children will have, man it amazes me. The universities are to die for, the school places are plenty which mean we don’t have to go through the whole stress and process we did and experienced here. Our children’s world is just there, waiting for them. 

It is a goddamn massive operation, it is an expensive one, it will be a super stressful (due to moving) and a complete start of whatever we are used to. Tons of papers to sort out, exams, visas, work. Fuck my life! It will be a long, hard, confusing and a lot of emotions sort of one year. My lovely sweet hubs family is there so it won’t be all that bad. I can get support even just via a phone call, we can go out when everything gets a bit too much. My children will see their uncles and aunties and will have a relationship with them, that’s a good thing right? At least family is nearby, that is also my family so I am happy. 

I just wish people won’t be too harsh when I try and speak Dutch and ignore the grammatical errors as I learn it. I have to get used to cycling everywhere (which I love), I can’t wait to make friends and take a different learning path from whatever I am taking here now, I hope settling in won’t be as bad, maybe for the 1st month il be in my own bubble, figuring out what to do until I gain courage and confidence to leave home. It will be an interesting 1st month, lots of trial and error.

 England we will miss you, until we meet again. 

When Duty Calls

4 years, that’s the longest I haven’t been inside the dispensary, my brain was idling for so long, it’s a bit rusty, it has been so under utilised. But when duty calls we help out, even if we have to go beyond our comfort zones. The oath we took when we passed our revalidation at uni means nobody is left behind. 

I have always been a very helpful person whether I like the person or not. In helping it’s not about liking somebody, it’s about giving our hand to reach out and extend an arm when necessary. When duty calls we need to be compassionate even to the meanest of the mean, when duty calls it’s not about us but of others, it’s not about the money but the intentions of reaching out.

My weakness is reaching out, because I tend to think of what others thinks of me, I tend to be so weak when judgement paves it’s  way towards me, I tend to back down easily, but when duty calls I have to stand tall and face the music.

I love volunteering on things beneficial to others, beneficial to friends, beneficial to families. I love sharing my knowledge in the field I specialise with but when I experience set backs with work or just helping somebody, I struggle, I stutter,  I become the person I shouldn’t be. When duty calls I have to pick up myself and work my way amidst the set backs.

I hate being criticised, I hate being manipulated, I tend to self destruct, I melt down. I want to learn from my own mistakes and discover the solutions myself, I am a problem solver, I am a builder but with the strong points comes my weak points, I doubt easily, I observe and I over think.  But when duty calls I panic sometimes because I live in my self improved organised mess lifestyle.

I like experimenting, new looks, food, work, organisational skills, life etc. But I don’t really know what I want, I am stuck in experimenting and changing whatever is there to change, I tend to be so over ambitious and when I fail my world crumbles away. When duty calls I have to put my acts together and find the missing pieces.

A health care professional will be and will always be there when duty calls, whether we are in good condition or severely dilapidated by time. When duty calls we stand together and offer a helping hand and extending our generosity because we are brothers in arms. Nobody is left behind. No excuse to make up regardless if we are practicing or not. The knowledge will always be there the compassion should always be there. There’s one problem I’ve been noticing with some health care professionals lately, we forget about empathy and compassion. We forget about our values because we are so busy following the books. It’s been 4 years but my presence is felt in the community in my own special way. 

Write soon 😘😘😘😘😘