Not getting into the circle

It’s hard. It’s goddamn hard to break into the circle, believe me I tried, it didn’t work, so I gave up and it’s the best decision ever. 

I always have this positive outlook  that after a while I will be mom-dating again, ah well..that failed. The Dutch circle is damn hard to break. If you don’t speak dutch then butt the hell out, well for my experience that is. 

But it makes me happy because I can learn a new hobby, have quiet times, and learn to love what I have and it works. I run and it feels good. I learn new things and that’s great. I don’t have to go through the stress of forcing my way in the mommy’s circle in school. 

I don’t have to prove people anything. I am just happy to get on with my life and that’s about it. It’s hard to communicate to people who assume the worse in you such as ‘she’s not trying hard enough to learn the language look’ with that il respond baby steps darling, baby steps. I cannot run before I can walk can I?. But in reality, if I say Hoi, Hallo, hoe gaat het, I just get a grunt or a look and a look away. Jesus miserable horses whatever is wrong with just responding back, can we not be merry at times? Such miserable crazy people, so I gave up.

I am one of those moms who waits quietly in one corner and say hello even without getting responses, because I don’t need responses. I am just happy to look at these moms having friends and love on my boy.

It’s sad though because if I cannot get in these circle that means no playdates for my boy but it doesn’t matter he seems thriving enough in school and that’s the main thing. 

I just don’t understand how difficult it is, but yeah one step at a time. One day I’m going to learn dutch properly and everything will be a breeze..maybe, just maybe. 

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