I woke up feeling great today, unlike the past few days have been lazy days is this a sign of danger coming up? I hope not. Anyway, it’s good to wake up next to my favorite man..GJ and listened to U2 It’s a beautiful day, what a superb serenade that is.
Our window view is amongst the greatest view, I love having breakfast by the window these days and all you can see is the serene view of Box Hill, Clear blue skies, leaf dancing wind, children with their mom’s rushing to the churchyard (which is actually a nursery in the morning). Most people wouldn’t even appreciate that and would see something less than beautiful.
I hardly appreciate things outside especially during gloomy days but now I just realized it’s all about our perspectives. I am happy to wake up from a dream that had me facing my own inner dark night. It focused on a new venture in which I am engaged that a person who has since left years ago (and in my dreams, often forgets that and requires my reminders) attempted to bully me out of my joy around it and take it over, expressing that I wasn’t capable or competent to succeed or even so wouldn’t have the capability to see love in a different way. No way was I about to allow him to do so, and in my dream, I engaged a friend who is a dynamic ally, to assist me in taking my own power back. I felt confused at first, thinking that events were occuring years ago and then remembered who I was, where and when I was and what I was capable of achieving. I recognized that sometimes in life, he gave voice to my own active inner critic, sometimes makes an unwelcome appearance with those same messages. To be fair, there were times that he was an ardent cheerleader and likely now is on the celestial squad, whistling and clapping at my recent accomplishments. In the dream, I stood up to him/me, since I have heard over and over that each part of a dream is an aspect of the dreamer. As I stood my ground, I felt taller somehow, more in possession of my own place in the world, refusing to give up, as I would have in the face of disagreement in the past.
The dream left me wondering how deeply buried and insidious our self doubts can be. Do we surrender to them and let them wash over us, sweeping us away with the tide? Do we keep on swimming for shore, trusting that we can rest in between the waves and perhaps even ride them until the sands welcome us as we take respite? What visions do you have for yourself that your own inner bully attempts to confiscate? How can you awaken to the light of a beautiful new day?
Since I’ve been over indulged in my past nightmares, at the moment I am happy to be surrounded by great friends, and a great man in my life. Those vivid views of my past are haunting me just because I allow them to come and influence me back again, to what? pull me down and keep me pre-occupied my my past failures and to stumble on my own weakness? I would never allow that to happen as my life has been evolving and improving.
I’ve learnt that my weaknesses can be a source of my strengths too. If he pulled me down in the past I cannot allow him to do so this time as I have learned to embrace my life and I don’t care what other people think or whatever they have to say anymore.
The contemplations are far harsh than the past one’s but having this moment in my life and somewhat freedom to think and re-think of what lies ahead is far more having your own private space, people can change as they said but I am not sure if I can embrace to that concept ever again. I’ve learnt to hate people who caused my self destruction in the past, best thing to do is to avoid negative influences in your life.
“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another”